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Question
Posted by: meldee | 2011-11-22

going through a separation

I''m about to secure a rental apartment moving from my matrimonial home. I have a 6yr old daughter who goes to school. I have various reasons for my separation but the most pressing one being that my home has become unbearable and daily I dread leaving work to go home but I''m always driven by my daughter''s presence. My home is unbearable since we started living with my stepson who''s 18 and a dilinquent. He''s in grade 10, same as last year and he did Grade 9 twice also. He is diliquent because he was never taught or shaped to respect other people around him and that he is part of a bigger society. He has been involved in serious drugs before and his father believes he''s clean now but I''m not sure.He only lives and does things that only suit him disregarding how negatively that would impact on another person, when you reprimand him he''ll answer you as he pleases or pretend you are not talking to him. We''ve spoken with my husband about him too many times about the situation but he only sees a minor issue and what he calls normal teenage behaviour. He always scolds him or speak to him in private and I''ve even gone as far as to ask his family to intervene but he told them not to interfere, me and him will sort it out. Due to the behavioural issues and the drugs, I also fear for my daughter. With all said I feel that I''ve done all I could and to no avail. This year has been nothing but torture to me and have landed in emergency room twice due to the stress, my hubby just said I need to learn to handle my stresses I have finally taken the decision to move out and I''ve been asked to come and sign the lease but it''s suddenly a big deal and I''m unable to take this step, it''s weighing heavenly on me that I''m unable to do my work today. I know that there is no turning back because if I stay at my home I''ll still be enduring the same torture. I don''t understand though why it''s so hard to take this step. I had informed my husband that I''m planning on moving out but I know that he''s the type to believe it when he sees it, otherwise it''s just a threat. Even then when he realises the severity of the situation he''ll just dig his head in the sand. I realise that this could be the beginning of the end of our marriage hence I guess I''m so heavy hearted but I''ve lost on all avenues, he won''t hear of counselling either.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its understandable that you find it hard to take this step, for all that it means to you in moving out and taking a much more independent role. If he refuses counselling, and refuss to see that there's anything wrong or anything that could be improved, this does indeed give you less options than usual. Good luck with your move, and I'm sure we all hope this bold step towards independence and a better life for you and your child, will work out well.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: From a mom | 2011-11-22

Go sign the lease. It will be the best and bravest thing you can do for you and your daughter. The easy way out will be to stay in this unbearable situation. Best of luck.

Reply to From a mom
Posted by: Liza | 2011-11-22

Moving out is never an easy decision. Just remember that you''re doing this for your daughter as well as youself. Your daughter deserves to have a mother who''s not continually stressed out. She also deserves to have good role models in her life and a stepbrother who has no respect for anyone and has used/uses drugs is definitely not a good role model. If he has been involved with drugs before - is he being tested regularly to ensure he''s clean? If his father can''t do that at least, there''s no way to improve the situation besides leaving.

Just remember that you''re not running away from your problems. Instead you''ve made the positive decision to leave so that you and your daughter no longer have to live in a poisonous environment.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Female | 2011-11-22

PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST and go sign the lease. Give her a happy loving home, she deserves it in turn you will be happy too. (((Hugs))) and best of luck.

Reply to Female
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-11-22

Its understandable that you find it hard to take this step, for all that it means to you in moving out and taking a much more independent role. If he refuses counselling, and refuss to see that there's anything wrong or anything that could be improved, this does indeed give you less options than usual. Good luck with your move, and I'm sure we all hope this bold step towards independence and a better life for you and your child, will work out well.

Reply to cybershrink

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