Posted by: Anon | 2009-10-27

giving up paternal rights?

Hi there

I know that this isnt a divorse, but maybe you can assist?

I have a son that is 5 years old. He was born out of wedlock. It sounds as though my ex is going to give his permission for my husband to adopt my son. How do we go about this?
Also, would it be quicker for him just to sign away his paternal rights without my husband adopting/


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Anon,

this is a very "delicate" subject as there are many factors to consider.
First understand that there is no right or wrong BUT ask yourself what are the pros and cons in this action.

I would say that a parent cannot "sign away" his parental rights. A parent can chose to be responsible or irresponsible about his child, but a parent will remain a parent no matter his choices. From the child's perspective it is also important to acknowledge both his parents, whether absent or not, as they are part of who he is. Denying a parent to a child is like denying part of who he is.

Because every situation is different and every motivation is different I do emphasize that there is no right or wrong as such as you are motivated by what is best for your child but then do take the time to really consider what is best for your child.

A child with an absent parent is very fortunate to actually have a "replacement" parent who cares in his life but he still has a father with whom he will identify personality features and/or physical features and it is important that he knows you love those parts of him to. making him someone else's son is not going to change this.
Life throws challenges at us. How we chose to deal them will determine how we experience them.

I have previously been approached with a similar situation and an advice which was welcomed was to allow the child to grow up with people around him who love him and know about his father's choices to not be involved in his life. When turning 18, a child can chose whether he would want to change his name or not.

Either way, make the choices that feel right to you as you know what is best for your child.

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