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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/04/16

Giving up

Im 32yrs old and have not had the best time in terms of relationships. Seems all men are after one thing and when they get it they are gone, no matter how longer I make them wait they still leave. What has been bothering me is when I look at photos of our work functions and I am always the odd one out. I never attend anything with a partner. Men come into my life promising things and then they just drop me. I thought that I am the problem and changed, not being too much, allowing them to do what they want etc and yet they still leave. I am independant and relatively successful, had a few ups and downs but feel that this defines who I am. I dont ask anyone for anything and would rather do without. I''ve now decided that its best that I just give up on love and relationship and spend the rest of my life with my 4 yr old daughter. My friends say I''m too young but why carry on when I know its not going to work out..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe "all men" who you tend to meet in whatever way you go about meeting them, seem to be only after one thing, but nothing much is true of "all men" or of "all women". Your problems seems to have been more about the guys you met, and how you set up those relationships, and neither that sort of guy or that sort of relationship, are inevitable.
And if you start out already convinced that you KNOW it's not going to work out, of course it won't work out. Work with a CBT-style counsellor / psychologist to better underastand how to avoid what you don't want, and how to find and construct what you do want

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Our users say:
Posted by: dw | 2010/04/16

Hi Anon, I feel exactly the same way you do and I am 38!!! Guys only want that from me too and I dont know why. I have tried all ways...friends with them first, make them wait for 3 months, have sex with them on the first date, act coy, act provative.... I have tried it all. I have also given up. At least you have a daughter, I dont even have that!!

Reply to dw
Posted by: Lin | 2010/04/16

Don''t categorise all men as being after one thing. You do still get the " good guys" .
The moment I " gave up"  and stopped looking I met my husband. We were friend for a long while before starting a romantic relationship. I knew him without being romantically involved, so I knew his " ups and downs" 
Focus on your 4 year old and have a good time out with friends. Remember, they were " odds one''s out"  some time in their lives too.

Reply to Lin
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/16

Maybe "all men" who you tend to meet in whatever way you go about meeting them, seem to be only after one thing, but nothing much is true of "all men" or of "all women". Your problems seems to have been more about the guys you met, and how you set up those relationships, and neither that sort of guy or that sort of relationship, are inevitable.
And if you start out already convinced that you KNOW it's not going to work out, of course it won't work out. Work with a CBT-style counsellor / psychologist to better underastand how to avoid what you don't want, and how to find and construct what you do want

Reply to cybershrink

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