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Question
Posted by: What is wrong? | 2009/08/28

Girlfriend' s got no sex drive

Hi there

i am seeking some advice.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now and moved in together about 2 months ago, it has been the best time ever except for some confusion I have. We dont make love to each other as often as before, actually seldom now. I am always the one that initiate it and nothing comes from her side, she gives me love as in hugs, kisses, and shows affaction but not in a way that can lead to sex. I asked her what the matter is and she says that she is in a bad headspace and she doesn t have a sex drive at all. We made love the past weekend and before that it was a month ago, when I tried to initiate it earlier this week she brushed it off and nothing came of it, so i asked her again. we had an argument and she said we did it the weekend why again today, and even if we do it everyday of the week it still wont be enough for me, that was said in anger so as if why do we need to do it again, i love her and she is the most beautiful girl ever, obviously i want it everyday but i understand that wont happen and i dont expect it everyday, she says that she is under allot of stress due to work, she hates her job and resigned 2 weeks ago, it is not the money that is bothering her but she said that until she is out of the company things will get better, this has been going on for the past 2 onths now and I am not happy with this situation at all. She says that she feels more pressurized when i initiate it or start touching her to lead to sex. still i dont know why it is like this. I mean why does it have to be an effort to make love to each other? i dont feel it should be like this but now i am not initiating it as she spoke to me and expect me to understand she has no sex drive until further notice from her side. I told her i wont initiate anything until she initiates it, maybe I was wrong there, that is why I dont know what to do. How can I get her sex drive up again? how can we have sex more than once a month?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What is she doing to sort out this "bad headspace" she mentions ? IF she is not rapidly suceding in sorting it out on her own, shouldn't she be seeing ahsrink or at least a counsellor, to work on this more efficiently ? From the sound of it, you didn't decrease her sex drive, so its almost certainly not up to you to increase it. Stress, anxiety and depression often decreases libido in men or women, and if she has things seriously bothering her, those need to be sorted out with appropriate expert help anyway, and that would also let her return to her usual level of libido and being open to enjoy the relationship more
As Jane points out, you really don't yet know each other very well.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/08/31

I am a woman and my feeling is that she she is just not that into you. She probably lost physical interest in you. When you are really in love especially in a new relationship you usually cannot get enough of your partner.



Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/08/30

Old Koos is right. Dump her. These young chicks with headspace problems are just pure poison. I know a great guy who married one of these headspace cases and he led a dreadful life until he dumped her. Its a HEADCASE problem, not a HEADSPACE problem !Leave her and hope she never has the opportunity to make some other poor bugger unhappy.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Vrye Denker | 2009/08/28

I wouldn' t put too much confidence in a relationship with a girl who is willing to move in with a boyfriend she has only been dating for three months. I' ve also had a relationship with a girl who behaved like this. We didn' t live together (thank goodness). In my case she was using random things as an excuse not to get jiggy. It turned out she was also banging her ex on the side. I' m not saying this is the case with you, but it' s better to be safe than sorry.

If you' re looking for a proper girlfriend, you' re better off with a girl who will kick you in the balls if you want to move in together before at least a year. That way you know she has a level head on her shoulders.

Or I could be wrong and you have very bad breath and that' s why she doesn' t want you to spank her monkey  )

Reply to Vrye Denker
Posted by: www | 2009/08/28

Jane - we knew each other long before we started dating
my questionis how to fix it.. get her sex drive back

Reply to www
Posted by: Jane | 2009/08/28

You' ve been dating for 5 months and you moved in 2 months ago? You hardly know the girl. Dont you think you should have gotten to know her better? Maybe waited a while before jumping into bed?

If she is under stress with having to find a new job and worrying about cash, that can easily explain her lack of a sex drive

Reply to Jane
Posted by: Jane | 2009/08/28

You' ve been dating for 5 months and you moved in 2 months ago? You hardly know the girl. Dont you think you should have gotten to know her better? Maybe waited a while before jumping into bed?

If she is under stress with having to find a new job and worrying about cash, that can easily explain her lack of a sex drive

Reply to Jane
Posted by: koos | 2009/08/28

Dump her now mate. If this is what she' s like now, imagine after 10 years of marriage.

Life is to short to stick it out with a woman that is not interested in sex, and be carefull, very carefull if she comes with oh these issues and ooh those issues.

dump her and get out !!!!

Reply to koos

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