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Question
Posted by: Frustrated | 2011-04-06

girlfriend of 5 years

Hi doc, I know this relationship cannot work.I have posted many times on this forum. My 52 yr old girlfriend who works for me and owes me a packet. Because of " love"  she gets added benefits like driving my car all expenses paid, takes time off and has no qualms asking for money to fly to CT(it costs R13000 vs her daughter coming here for R5000)
She spends every day after work till 20h00 with her friends or brother in the week. She has permanent financial problems(gets paid R32500 monthly + uses my car and fuel,her servant gets paid by me).
I have to leave this woman and get out of this extremely negative relationship. I am scared of being on my own as I have no friends(partly due to working long and hard hours as I have businesses)
I get anxiety attacks just thinking there is no one I can phone and have to be alone in the evening. Should I consider anti deps?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

With all those many benefits, why would she need to even help the relationship work ? DO please see a counsellor to help you learn the self-respect and gumption needed to push this freedy and selfish woman out of your life, to enjoy a single life and set yourself free to find someone genuine who likes you without requiring you to pay for the privilege. Psychotherapy / counselling will be far more useful than antidepressants. And with that sort of support, and the joy of ending this woman's exploitation, you can rediscover ( or maybe find for the first time ) joy in life.
Excellent advice from maria and others.

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: just what you need | 2011-04-06

Hi frustrated, how old are you....??your girlfriend is definately taking advantage of you.....i can take care of you, with all those benefits included...

Reply to just what you need
Posted by: Soul | 2011-04-06

Frustrated sorry to say this but she is taking advantage of you and of " love" 
She earns a fantastic salary and can afford to pay for her own traveling expenses to see her children.
The fact that she has permanent financial problems she needs to address this and sort out. If you stay with this woman she is going to or rather expect you to help her with this.

She is taking advantage of you and taking you for a ride and as long as you are willing to give her everything she needs and asks of you she won''t be going anywhere anytime soon.

Let her go and focus on the things you enjoy and the friends that you have and try some new things that interest you and surround yourself with people who don''t always want something from you that will appreciate you and enjoy being in your company.

You don''t need to be alone but be very careful of the person you care to share your life with, you will find someone out there for you that will aprereciate you.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Ok | 2011-04-06

OK so you meant your 52-year old grandmother...and wat the hell are you still doind, spending so much money ona 52 year old...because you scared of being alone...wat?..are you 90 yrs old or something..huh?

Reply to Ok
Posted by: Onus | 2011-04-06

Just slowly broaden your circle of friends, make time to meet new women, there are alot of different options and agencies that offer proper professional dating (not prostitiution) slowly over say 4 months get at least three new people in your life, and develop those relationships. You also have to either end the relationship with your girlfriend OR drastically change it by creating ground rules, mostly financial. All this can be done without pain so don''t worry. You sound like a hard working business professional, apply your experience to business to your life, all you have to do is manage these things.

Reply to Onus
Posted by: Maria | 2011-04-06

To be blunt, you should consider getting a life. Get rid of the woman, she is blatantly using and abusing you. With all the money you will save, perhaps you can then work less hours? Sign up for classes to learn a new language, or do pottery, or learn about photography, anything that interests you. Volunteer at a nature reserve, soup kitchen, children''s home, township study support group etc. Join a book club, hiking club, Rotary or Lions. These kinds of activities will help to fill the gap in your life, get you into contact with new people who could become friends and help you feel better about yourself and your life. Strongly consider seeing a counseller for a few sessions to help you through this transition and to explore with you what you want out of life. What is the point of working yourself into an early grave and never enjoying the fruits of your labour?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-06

With all those many benefits, why would she need to even help the relationship work ? DO please see a counsellor to help you learn the self-respect and gumption needed to push this freedy and selfish woman out of your life, to enjoy a single life and set yourself free to find someone genuine who likes you without requiring you to pay for the privilege. Psychotherapy / counselling will be far more useful than antidepressants. And with that sort of support, and the joy of ending this woman's exploitation, you can rediscover ( or maybe find for the first time ) joy in life.
Excellent advice from maria and others.

Reply to cybershrink

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