Posted by: Nkoko | 2009-09-11

Girlfriend Dilemma

Hi All,
I have a friend I' ve met 4 yrs ago when I 1st arrived in the US. She was dating a guy that my husband made friends with, thats how we met and got to be friends. She had a friend she' s known for a number of years whom she referred to as a best friend. That friend returned to SA and the minute she left she started referring me as her new best friend.
See this friend is such a negative person, she slways gossip in my ear about people when we r out at parties, wedding etc Everyone is ugly to her and she' s pretty. She' ll say things abt people that will throw me off that I would ask myself how did I become friends with such a person.
She has a good side to her, she' s giving, caring to the people she' s close to but everyone else she' s got nothing but negative things to say abt them.
So this past Saturday at a wedding I saw my primary school friend. Was so happy to see her and my negative friends started asking her questions like who' s your husband? Once the promary school friend answered she said well that guy is married to so and so, so it means you broke his marrriage. Later when I told her that what she said was not nice she was defensive as always and saying more negative things about this friend of mine. Which is a norm with her. Then she said why do people refer to their boyfriends as their husband blah blah blah i don' t get it. The funny thing is she always refers to her boyfriends as her husbands so she started arguing that she doesn' t. I knew after that conversation that she must be angry with me cause that' s what she does. She drops people like hot potatoes. Like she did stop talking to a mutual friend of ours because she didn' t wanna do what she was asking for.
So today we having dinner with the gals for mmy birthday, I invited her and she gave me 2 different reasons why she wont make it and she' s so cold towards me.
I should be celebrating but for some reason I' m bothered...WHY??? She' s been a good friend to me when I got here I didn' t know anybody and she did help me keep me company, introduce me to people that I' m now friends with some of them.
What do you guys think, Cybershrink pls help??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely friendship with such a nasty person is of no value, and entirely voluntary. So why not just give her up. Presumably you're scared of what she might say about you ? Who cares ? Surely everyone else with any sense at all knows what an unpleasant person she is ? And she's probably saying ugluy things about you already. Don't waste time asking how you got to be friends with her --- as why you sill allow her to be a "friend" .
That she didn't come to your party ? splendid ! Excellent ! Celebrate your good luick, and dont invite her again. She may have helped you at first when you arrived, but probbly only because it suited her purposes to do so. Now you don't need each other. She has no power except the power you give to her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zexeon | 2009-09-12

If you don' t want to end your friendship perhaps you' d rather be in a position to influence her behavior cause you are friends but don' t allow that her behavior spoil your b-day or other future events with other friends ...

Reply to Zexeon

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