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Question
Posted by: sick | 2010-05-24

Girlfriend

I split with my girlfriend on Friday because i cant tell my parents i love her because she is from a different religion from minds.I did this as i cannot hurt my parents.She is very upset and confused.What do you suggest that we both do or where to from her for us.I just cannot tell my parents they will be very hurt.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some parents are indeed extremely closed-minded and rigid and absolutist in their faith ; but many are not, and they often deal better than you may expect, with the fact that one of their children has fallen in love with someone of a different faith. Some have the sense to recognize that their child is better-off, really and spiritually, with a compatible and loving person of a different faith who has a respect for their faith and their child ; than with someone who is of their faith, but has no love at all.
Have you tried discussing this with your parents in a more theoretical, no-names basis, for a start ? Asking to talk about how they would react if you ( or other sibs, if there are any ) became fond of someone who was a wonderful person, but of a different faith ?
And maybe it would help for you and your friend to see a counsellor to discuss this issue and problem, and decide together how best to face it.
Where one's parents are prejudiced, I personally don't believe they have a right to expect their children to honour their prejudices ( which are not the same as their faith ) or to go through life without ever facing the challenge that many reasonable people of good faith are not as rigid as them. Their feelings are not paramount to yours and those of your friend

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-24

Some parents are indeed extremely closed-minded and rigid and absolutist in their faith ; but many are not, and they often deal better than you may expect, with the fact that one of their children has fallen in love with someone of a different faith. Some have the sense to recognize that their child is better-off, really and spiritually, with a compatible and loving person of a different faith who has a respect for their faith and their child ; than with someone who is of their faith, but has no love at all.
Have you tried discussing this with your parents in a more theoretical, no-names basis, for a start ? Asking to talk about how they would react if you ( or other sibs, if there are any ) became fond of someone who was a wonderful person, but of a different faith ?
And maybe it would help for you and your friend to see a counsellor to discuss this issue and problem, and decide together how best to face it.
Where one's parents are prejudiced, I personally don't believe they have a right to expect their children to honour their prejudices ( which are not the same as their faith ) or to go through life without ever facing the challenge that many reasonable people of good faith are not as rigid as them. Their feelings are not paramount to yours and those of your friend

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