advertisement
Question
Posted by: CJT | 2010/04/08

GF driving me Crazy

HI All,

My GF and I have been living together for 2 years now, We have 9 month old twins together and her daughter of 6 lives with us too, Her daughters father only pays school fees and nothing more. My GF point blankly refuses to get work despite being a qualified hair dresser.

We had split up when we found out she was pregnant and have been trying to make this work since with no luck at all. I Am financially strained and cannot continue like this anymore. We are constantly fighting and actually don''t even speak anymore. Really the house is hell and not good for anyone living in it.

The problem is that she refuses to get on her feet so she could possibly leave. Her parents live on the otherside of the country and cannot assist her in anyway, She could possibly move to her sister in Oranje but would then have to change her daughters school etc.

My lease is up on my place at the end of May and intend on moving, but without her. Problem is that she refuses to make a plan for herself, she won''t even sit with me so we can discuss what she can take and maintenance.

It seems she wants nothing from me in order to place guilt and sorrow for her once I leave (She will live on the street to make sure I feel bad)

Any advice will help. Its so hard to just move and leave her on the street however I see this as the only option right now

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why does your gf "refuse" to seek work - is there a problem as regards caring for the young twins, such that she feels she has to stay at home with them ? Or is she more simply uninterested in actual work ? If she's at home all day and the house is still in a mess, it suggests she's for some reason averse to working at all - is this a change or was she always like this ?
Maybe she's relucant to do anything that might be seen as enabling her to stand on her own 2 feet, for fear that this might make you feel bolder about pushing her out ? It does indeed sound as though the strategy she has chosen is to make you look bad and feel bad, to protect her preference for sitting around all day.
Are there members of her family you can discuss the situation with, who might intervene and help her to start facing reality ?
She could approach the Maintenance Court to get the ex to pay a fairer share of the costs of that child. But if she moved out, who would care for your twins ? If you moved offm on your own, this should not be done as a surprise for her, but with plenty of warning for her to make alternative arrangements - and you would be liable, via the maintenance court if necessary, for supporting the twins financially at leasy.


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Just me | 2010/04/08

Are you sure she is not suffering from antenatal depression? If left untreated the effects can last a long time.

And if you do leave her on the streets, make sure that your twins will not suffer as a result of this. If she really cannot provide adequately for them, thus if they are going to be living on the street, I suggest you make a plan to take them with you and care for them yourself properly.

Children did not ask to be here and should not suffer because their parents dont get along.

Reply to Just me
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/04/08

Or maybe you can organise her transport to move her to live with her sister. She can take care of herself, she just doesn''t believe it for now. You can''t decide and plan your life around what she wants or can''t do. As long as the children won''t suffer the consequencies, do what you have to do to get your life back.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/08

Why does your gf "refuse" to seek work - is there a problem as regards caring for the young twins, such that she feels she has to stay at home with them ? Or is she more simply uninterested in actual work ? If she's at home all day and the house is still in a mess, it suggests she's for some reason averse to working at all - is this a change or was she always like this ?
Maybe she's relucant to do anything that might be seen as enabling her to stand on her own 2 feet, for fear that this might make you feel bolder about pushing her out ? It does indeed sound as though the strategy she has chosen is to make you look bad and feel bad, to protect her preference for sitting around all day.
Are there members of her family you can discuss the situation with, who might intervene and help her to start facing reality ?
She could approach the Maintenance Court to get the ex to pay a fairer share of the costs of that child. But if she moved out, who would care for your twins ? If you moved offm on your own, this should not be done as a surprise for her, but with plenty of warning for her to make alternative arrangements - and you would be liable, via the maintenance court if necessary, for supporting the twins financially at leasy.


Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement