Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-24

Getting over being cheated on

For the first time in 42 years, my husband cheated on me, although he says it was a " mistake"  how does one account for a mistake lasting 20 months?? I just cannot bear him near me as I am embarassed (the woman was much younger than me) He tells me that he loves me, but I cannot get over this, and it is now more than a year that has passed. How do I get rid of this feeling of total lack of self esteem (which is what they did to me), and also very often the feeling of hating what he did to me just overwhelms me. I live in the country and do not have acces to any kind of counciling, what I want to know is am I being unreasonable still harbouring these awful feelings, my husband says I am " crazy" ?

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Our expert says:
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If I dial the pizza delivery guy and accidentally dial the video store, THAT's a mistake. As you say, no mistake lasts 20 months. OK< it may be acurate if he means that he now regrets it and sees it as wrong ( not mistaken ). It would be wise for the pair of you to work together in marriage counselling, to see what, if anything, may be repairable, and at least to understand each other better and make a wiser and better informed decision about the future. And you probably deserve some individual counselling, of a CBT form, to repair your self-esteem. Now, this is where liing in the country has really severe limitations. Is there even some facility through your nearest church ? Otherwise, you might try Lifeline in the nearest city / town, but that's a poor second best to personal counselling. You are definitely NOT crazy, and to even hint at that, your husband is simply adding insult to injury. You are not being altogether unreasonable, but continuing to boil with resentment isn't useful for you, so it would be better to be helped to find better ways of copin

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tell me another | 2009-04-28

No way ! Even after all these years together, you simply cannot accept that sort of betrayal. There can ne NO excuse for that. Its absolute disrespect for you and you should simply cut him out of your life if you cannot get divorced at this stage of your life. Stop doing for him, let him get his own meals see to his own washing. You move into another part of the house and ignore him. Let him suffer !!!

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