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Posted by: Regretful | 2008/07/17

Getting over being cheated on...

Please guys… I need to get this off my chest.
Im in this relationship for 3 years now. About a year ago, I did the most unforgivable thing, and cheated on my gf... She took it badly, and we both went for counselling. She forgave me, and I have tried to make amends best I could, I stil am. Only problem is, she seems different towards me., she cold and not so affectionate like she used to be., She used to be the tigress in the bedroom, now she’ s just so conscious of everything. I keep telling her how great she is, but she always doubting me. Will she ever forgive me completely? What must I do to make her love me the way she used to ? I really do love her and regret hurting her. She’ s the best thing that ever happened to me and don’ t want to lose her.
How long will it take for her to trust me again? Am I unreasonable to expect her to get over it by now? Or is it still too soon?
Thanks

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Our expert says:
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SDounds like you two stopped the counselling too soon, while there are still issues you need to deal with together. Resume sounselling. Getting over something hurtful like that may mean there is a continuing viable and satisfying relationship possible, but it's not at all likely to become identical to the relationship you damaged by cheating

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Our users say:
Posted by: What a mess | 2008/07/24

Cheating on a person is probably the worst thing one person can do to another person, It was probably the most life changing experience I have ever had to deal with, it totaly changed me it affected just about every area of my life. I still am not functioning normally. It haunts me day after day after day. The worst is when you really think about it I was probably the largest contributing factor to my wifes indisgretion.

Reply to What a mess
Posted by: Hurt | 2008/07/18

I don' t think you ever get over it. I was cheated on end last year and found out December just before christmas.
We' ve been together for about 4 yrs and have a son together.
We also went for counselling, it helped. I can honestly say I love him a lot and want our relationship to work out. I' m still just very bitter. I think most of the anger is focused on the person that gets cheated on. How can I be so blind, what did I do wrong, how could I have prevented it.
I don' t think she' ll EVER forgive you but must love you a hell of a lot to swallow her pride and stay by you.
Be patient and do not give her any reason to doubt you - like staying out late. Don' t walk out when your cell rings...
If it is meant to be it' ll work out.
I found it very difficult to talk in front of him about my feelings with the counsellor as I did not want to hurt him and oush him further away,

Reply to Hurt
Posted by: stormy | 2008/07/17

dam boy if my boyfriend cheated on me i would of blown his brains out by now!! you dam lucky she still with you

Reply to stormy
Posted by: Regretful | 2008/07/17

Thanks guys. But hey. I made a mistake and Im admitting it! IAll i want to do now is makes things right. I just so anxious and wish I could turn bck the clock, but i cant. so yeah..i will give her all the time she needs.

Reply to Regretful
Posted by: John | 2008/07/17

Sometimes, for all the money in the world, a personal hurt is just unforgivable and unforgetable for some people. Many, many years ago, my ex-wife cheated on me. To this day, I can honestly say that I am glad, glad that I divorced her as, inasmuch as I may not be seething with rage anymore, I don' t think it would have ever being the same. Try the CS' s advice and resume counselling. If it does not deliver the goods for you both after a reasonable amount of time (and both of you decide what ' reasonable'  is) then perhaps its time to let her go. As much you may love her and not want ot lose her, what you are both going through now is not fun either.

Reply to John
Posted by: I think | 2008/07/17

Yes u r unreasonable to expect her to get over it by now!!!! how can u cheat on someone who' s the best thing that ever happened to u? i just dont get it!!

Reply to I think
Posted by: Kb | 2008/07/17

Well said Anon....

Reply to Kb
Posted by: anon | 2008/07/17

Im sorry as much as you sound regretfull i have no sympathy for what you going through. if she was the best you ever had why did you go elsewhere. Men once again thinking with there
dick instead of there head first. She is afterall the vicxtim in this so dont steal her limelight. Give her all the time she needs afterall you are the one that screwed up!!!

Reply to anon
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/07/17

You will diffinitely have to be patient with her, she was hurt very bad and remember woman can forgive but never easy to forget, right now she is going through a lot and she is only trying to make the relationship work wich is the most difficult thing to do.

you must be thankful she is still with you because you really don' t deserve to be with her, learn a lesson and that is one of the concequences of cheating.

Reply to Lolo

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