advertisement
Question
Posted by: merle | 2012/03/19

getting out of hand

Dont know what to do about this sitiaution. My son and gf is staying with me for 4 mnths. my son was on drugs before was in rehab x2.gf clean. and very respectable. she is waiting on a teachers post. my son got a terrible attitude towards me say is becoz of me that he had a terrible child hood as i left his fater when he was 5. re married and divorce again. he say this girl is the only good thing in his life. he now and then dissapears for a night and then come back the next morning as if nothing is wrong. and i dare not ask him where he comes from. the thing that upsets me the most is that he is selling all my expensive clothes and when i talk about it he get angry and start baninging the doors.
i dont know how to approach him. i am in a relationship for 3 mnths with this nice guy and he is very understanding. my son dont work and every time when he goes for interviews say they will come back to him, but no one ever comes back to him,

please help as i dont know what to do.. it feel as if i was a bad parent all the long. i was always there for him. raised him on my on. help him through college but today it looks as i have just messed up his life according to him. i feel very sad about this whole situation. what must i do. he is 24 years old.when i told him to go look for a other place he said i got no feelings for him and start crying.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he is taking your clothes, or any opther of your possessions, and selling them, that is THEFT, and he should be reported to the police and arrested and charged. He needs to learn that his choices have consequences, instead of feeling sorry for himself because you lead an unhappy life when he was younger. His choices are not your fault, and he will never stay clean of drugs while he feels he can blame it all on you. And presumably the stuff he's selling is to get money for drugs. If his gf is so good, what does she think about this ? And if he thinks you are so awful, why does he choose to stay with you and at your expense ?
With an attitude such as he is showing towards you, maybe that's why nobody wants to give him a job ? It is HIS duty to get himself a job - that's not your task nor is it your fault if he fails to get one.
You were NOT a bad parent, and did the best you could manage.
That he starts crying when you challenge him is possibly a very small sign of hope, depending on whether he is just feeling sorry for himself, or actually genuinely feeling remorse. He should be encouraged to see a counsellor ( there are drug counsellors available through various problems, and he can find them if he tries ) and get help to start taking personal responsibility for his choices in life. Tell him you DO have feelings for him, as you obviously do, but that you can't tolerate theft of your belongings, and that so long as he refuses to take personal responsibility for the choices he has made and continues to make, he will not be able to get his life together. Many people have horrible parents who physically and sexually abuse them, without necessarily becoming drug addicts or thieves.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/19

If he is taking your clothes, or any opther of your possessions, and selling them, that is THEFT, and he should be reported to the police and arrested and charged. He needs to learn that his choices have consequences, instead of feeling sorry for himself because you lead an unhappy life when he was younger. His choices are not your fault, and he will never stay clean of drugs while he feels he can blame it all on you. And presumably the stuff he's selling is to get money for drugs. If his gf is so good, what does she think about this ? And if he thinks you are so awful, why does he choose to stay with you and at your expense ?
With an attitude such as he is showing towards you, maybe that's why nobody wants to give him a job ? It is HIS duty to get himself a job - that's not your task nor is it your fault if he fails to get one.
You were NOT a bad parent, and did the best you could manage.
That he starts crying when you challenge him is possibly a very small sign of hope, depending on whether he is just feeling sorry for himself, or actually genuinely feeling remorse. He should be encouraged to see a counsellor ( there are drug counsellors available through various problems, and he can find them if he tries ) and get help to start taking personal responsibility for his choices in life. Tell him you DO have feelings for him, as you obviously do, but that you can't tolerate theft of your belongings, and that so long as he refuses to take personal responsibility for the choices he has made and continues to make, he will not be able to get his life together. Many people have horrible parents who physically and sexually abuse them, without necessarily becoming drug addicts or thieves.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement