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Question
Posted by: Thoko | 2008-11-26

Getting married and selling my house

Hi there,

I am in a situation and need your advice. I recently just got married customary and soon to move in with my hubby. The problem i have is that he has a bond and so do I. We both have kids from our previous relationships and we both want what is best for our kids. My hubby is currently unemployed even though he is financially able to support us at the moment. He did save well during the time that he was working and he has enough finance to assist combined with my salary to keep us going for the next year or two.

Problem is that he suggests that we sell my property and invest the money as it is not logical for the us to be paying for two bonds, especially with the fact that he is currently unemployed. I am not comfortable with this as I have small kids and so does he. He also is the bread winner of his family, I mean, he is the sole financial provider for his parents, his niecies, nephews, he buys everything for them, from bread to sanitary pads. I am just worried that if something should happen to him or to me, my kids will not have a place in my inlaw' s lives.

I worked hard to get where I am and the father of my kids is so irresponsible that I have never depended on him, he actually just disappeared out of his kids lives.

I know that selling my property would help our current financial situation but I just want my kids to have a good future set up for them, and my hubby, just does not agree with this. He is a wonderful man and i have nothing to complain about him, accept for this issue.

Please advice.

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Our expert says:
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Sensible concerns --- I'm sure more experienced readers will have some useful comments. COuld you rent out your own property, such that you still own it and can afford the bond, but would gain some income from it and have it to rely on if other problems arise ? I agree with Coyote and Lolo ( nice to hear from you again, Lolo !)
If his argument for selling one of the properties is sensible and fair, how would he feel about selling HIS porperty, and keeping yours ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: steve | 2008-11-27

Be wise - take all the great advice given above - AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.

Reply to steve
Posted by: Mike | 2008-11-27

Yeah - I too sense a snake in the grass here, and serpents can be very convincing. Rent the joint out, sooner or later the rent will not only match the bond peyments, but exceed it. If you sell, you will regret it. If this changes his attitude towards you - you have your answer. Forwarned is Forarmed. Persevere!

Reply to Mike
Posted by: Spooky | 2008-11-27

The readers have given you sound advice. Personally, I smell a rat. DON' T SELL - Finish &  klaar!!!

Reply to Spooky
Posted by: Babes | 2008-11-26

Enough have been said here....DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE.Why isnt he selling his?And I dont like the interference from his family,that is not good at all.

Reply to Babes
Posted by: Lolo | 2008-11-26

Thoko please don' t sell that is also an investment for your kids. what if you sell and still something happen that make him not to pay the bond, say you pay your portion and he lie and say i paid but later the bank auction the house, where are you gonna go.

it happened to me before so darling don' t sell, make plan remember you can still negotiate with the bank to extend the loan period that way you will pay less but in long run is more but remember you can still afford payments.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: Latoya | 2008-11-26

I won' t advice you to sell your house, you will regret one day when you cannot afford a house anymore because there won' t be anything below 1m, i have seen people selling their houses because they are in love and they need to please their partners, at the end they regret why they did that.
Please dear rent your house, i am sure if you have to pay anything on top it won' t be that much, you will be able to take the difference and help out in the family (You and Hubby &  the children)

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: Just me | 2008-11-26

Thoko....... NO WAYS!!!! Do not sell. Please don' t misunderstand me, but men are just men. I know he is wonderful and all, but girl please you need your independance. Men loves women to be dependant on them, nothing wrong, but ANYTHING can happen at any time. Your children need some investment should something happen to you. God forbid it won' t. Truth is it' s not his children and if you not there one day........ What makes you think he will look after them and theat them like his owm. Also he has his own children to look after. Sell his house......... This is an investment for you and YOUR children. Please i am not negative and i love to see people prosper and doing well, but sometimes we must just be more realistic.... Just my opinion

Reply to Just me
Posted by: Maria | 2008-11-26

Thoko, you must do what is necessary to protect your kids.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Nika | 2008-11-26

I' d say go for the rent option and like you said see how far you get or even like homie said why don' t you sell his or even both. You definitely have to think of your kids and this is not selfish as far as i' m concerned.

I had a similiar experience but this involved a car. I wanted to buy one and the ex said " NO why buy a car when I have one and where will we stay when we get married, definitely not in a car" . Well 3 yrs along the line we' ve split up him with his car me walking lol and with the way things are right now I will not be able to afford one ANYTIME SOON!!

It' s with my experience that I would say that this is a issue that needs to be explored carefully and in such a way that both of your kids will benefit regardless of what happens.

That' s my 2cents worth, hope it will be of some help.

Reply to Nika
Posted by: homie | 2008-11-26

why dont you sell his house as he is the one who cant afford. or sell both houses and get one under both of your names

Reply to homie
Posted by: Thoko | 2008-11-26

We have talked about that, and considering the cost of the bond, we will still have to pay a bit on top of the rent should be go this route, so as to cover the bank repayments.

His concern is that, as we are aware, it' s hard getting a job and he really has been looking hard for one, and what if he doesn' t get one soon, we might not be able to afford both bonds.

My personal ideal resolution is that we put the place on rent and see how we manage...... and this makes him think I am not committed to our financial stability!!!!

Reply to Thoko
Posted by: Lolo | 2008-11-26

as proprty valuer please selling is not the only option rent the house maybe a long term lease so many people can' t buy properties and go for option of leasing.

don' t forget that proprty is also an investment, don' t sell rent it!!

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: Coyote | 2008-11-26

Have you thought about renting out your place to cover some of the costs?

Reply to Coyote

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