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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/08/25

Getting back with an ex

After a lapse of 2 years my ex came back telling me that he loves me and that he wants to try again. I was not in a relationship at this stage and have decided to give it a go. The reason for our previous breakup was because he cheated on me. The relationship has been going fine but I feel that this is not what I want. I have been through a lot over the past 2 years and have battled financially etc. Even though I still have the debt I feel that I am emotionally stronger, and now what works for me and what doesnt. I have asked him where we are headed and he bounces around the question and i dont really want to be in a relationship where we have final destination eg. marriage. (We already have a child together). When I speak about breaking up he is not interested, this has led to me now feeling like i should just ignore him. I do love him but i feel that I am now a very independant person, i may not have a house/car but i know that I will get there with time. I am not defined by having a man in my life. Our relationship is also monotonous, he works all the time and I am on my own all the time (just the way i like it). I need to sort out my life alone for me and my daughter and dont need anything else that is bothering me right now. What should I do, how do i handle this??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your previous relationship ended because he cheated on you. When he came back - what had changed IN REGARD TO the cheating, that convinced you this would not happen again ? He is vague and evasive when you ask where this relaionship is going, with apparently no sense of permanence in it. Are you actually more than merely convenient for him ?
What about him do you find loveable ?
Sideways seems to summarize rather well.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: toto | 2010/08/25

he cheated on u the 1st time.what makes u think he wont do it again?trust me he will cheat on u again with the advantage that u will take him back again.

Reply to toto
Posted by: XXX | 2010/08/25

Getting back together after a break up takes serious commitment by both parties.In your case it appears that you have moved on and don''t need this guy any longer.
I would therefore suggest you try and remain friends with him but make it clear that is as far as it will go.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: sideways | 2010/08/25

You seem to be very clear you don''t want this relationship. So the only thing left to do is pluck up the courage to tell him in a calm manner that you have grown and as a result fo the change you no longer feel that the two of you can be in a relationship. A friendship maybe if he can handle that, but nothing more and probably not right away. Good luck. I know it is difficult to end an emotional connection.

Reply to sideways
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/25

Your previous relationship ended because he cheated on you. When he came back - what had changed IN REGARD TO the cheating, that convinced you this would not happen again ? He is vague and evasive when you ask where this relaionship is going, with apparently no sense of permanence in it. Are you actually more than merely convenient for him ?
What about him do you find loveable ?
Sideways seems to summarize rather well.

Reply to cybershrink

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