Posted by: ready to call it off | 2009-04-29

Gettin married

As a continuation of my last post...I was just wondering... I really dont mind going with the contract he wants, provided we are able to add an extra clause to it if possible.

Is it possible to add a clause that If (and thats a big if!) I become a stay at home mom, in the event of a divorce Clinton would need to pay me out for the income and pension I would have accumulated to compensate for me giving up my career during those years. (Or at least a percentage of it!)

So if we have a child and I stay home for lets say two of those years, and we get a divorce, he would have to pay me the equivalent of my salary and pension or retirement fund I would have earned (or saved with regards to retirement fund) (inflation rated), had I been working for those two years to compensate me

That would enable me to find a place to stay and pay my bills while looking for a job, then once those 2 years are up, whether I have found gainful employment or not, he no longer has any obligation to support me, he only has the obligation to provide for our child / children.

Or at the very least add a clause that asks the courts take into account that since I gave up X amount of years of my career to raise the kids, they should take that into consideration when determining my settlement in the event of a divorce.

What do you all think? Is that fair?

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Our expert says:
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Some days it feels as though the forum is being expected to serve as an arbitration court ! I hold to my previous comments --- he sounds profoundly selfish and mercenary, and a really bad bet as a partner. And it sounds ominously as though he may have a lawyer to advise him and you don't. To go ahead and marry a man already planning how to convert you into cheap labour for as long as it suits him, and then the cheapest possible divorce, is hardly a good idea.
I have no problem with the idea of a couple making realistic pre-nup plans taking into account the possibility of divorce --- but not on such an extremely one-sided basis as this. Any man who thinks or says that housekeeping, home--making and child care is a vacation, is too Neanderthal to deserve to be allowed to marry any intelligent woman

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Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2009-04-29

No, I do not agree that its abnormal to make provision for " just in case"  In reality, gone are the days when its was just all lovey dovey and neither of you had anything and you built your life together fr5om scratch. Nowadays couples are a lot better educated and well heeled with professions and the girls are way beyond pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen ! Its all about FAIRNESS at the end of the day, that neither party is short changed IF the marriage comes to an end, and these days its more likely than not, so dont walk into a marriage with your eyes wide closed. You have to work it out between you and reach agreement that is fair to both. You cannot rely on any inheritance as it may turn out you get nothing ! That is out of the bargaining arena. If you cant reach agreement, call it off or you will regret it for the rest of you life and especially if you divorce. This is reality we are talking about here and not dewey eyed sentimentality.

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Posted by: :) | 2009-04-29

Going into such a life-changing situation i.e marriage with a big IF or just an if, is alarm bells for trouble already... MY DEAR
I think this guy has a negative motive, why all the PRESCRIPTIONS ???
First of all what' s his must be yours, right? You guys are alredy thinking of should we divorce... I have NEVER heard of anyone planning a marriage and already thing about when/should we divorce. This is REALLY ABNORMAL. I think you not get married, keep your job and let him pay child support PERIOD

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