Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Gay Stud and thanks for posing.
You are confusing two unrelated issues: sexual identity versus sexual behaviour. You can identify as anything you want to - many MSM (men who have sex with men) do not know, or uncomfortable with the term "gay". If you wanted to you could identify as a lemon tree, if that made sense to you. However, sexual behaviour is about what we do sexually, and who we prefer to do this with.
It sounds as if you prefer having sex with women (and I assume this is vaginal, as opposed to anal sex) but that you are more emotionally attracted to men and would prefer to bond with a man in a romantic sense. However, I think you may be expecting a bit much of the average gay guy to enter into an enduring relationship with you which will be asexual. What about his needs?
While some gay guys aren't into anal sex, the average gay men isn't into vaginal sex either. I'm curious as to whether your internal sexual fantasies focus more on women or on men, and how your last relationship with a woman ended.
All said, identifying as gay but only having sex with women sounds a bit whacky. It would be easier to change your identity than to change your behaviour, so you may want to consider trying out the brand of being 'bi' for a while.
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