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Question
Posted by: Laura | 2011/05/12

GENES

Good day Cyber Shrink
Me and my finance got engaged a while back and he has a child of 6 years old with another woman. We have been together since the child was 8 months old. What concerns me is that his mother is a compulsive liar, she steels (we have evidence for numerous times) plus she is a spender and borrows money from people all over and never pays them back. Im afraid that this little boy is gona turn out like his mother coz i am already seeing some signs e.a. the other day he took money out of my finance''s wallet and then his car and then lied to me about it, as soon as you buy him some things he just wants more and more and more. He tells lies easily ect. and keeps on taking toys from friends and hiding them in his room. Yesterday when we walked out the grocer the security guards stopped me and told me that he drank something and put it back on the shelf and that i didnt pay for it, even that i wasnt aware of this as he always runs to the toys when we enter the grocer store. Knowing all these things are wrong, as we taught him, he still continues to do them. Now he also started to mess his pants also knowing that he should go to the toilet. Should a be a concerned step mother to be or is this just normal phases for children to go through? He stays with us and only sees his mother twice a week. Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its difficult to influence the behaviour of a child you only see part-time, and I understand your concern of the potential influence on the child of an app[arently irresponsible and dishonest mother. Messing his pants suggests he is troubled perhaps in other ways, too. If he spends most of the week with you, and only 2 days with the mother, her influence is unlikely to be too large. best get him assessed properly by a child psychologist, who can also help to plan a program to change this bad behaviour.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/05/12

The kid needs lots of love and firm boundaries, lovingly applied. How do you respond to this behaviour?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Phil | 2011/05/12

The mother might be a bad influence  but the problem could be deeper. Remember  he spends most of his time with you  this is where I would start looking. His primary residence is where he gets most of his upbringing.

The mere fact that you are already looking at genes to bring the child down  as if he is doomed - already portarys a very negative feeling deep down inside of you. Children  like horses or even other animals  can sense those negative energies.

Food for thought

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Liza | 2011/05/12

It sounds like his mother is a terrible influence on him. Perhaps the child needs to see a child psychologist? The psychologist can then find out why he''s behaving like this. Perhaps the mother is influencing him negatively and letting him see her twice a week isn''t in the childs'' best interest? Perhaps it would be better if the visits were supervised as well. The psychologist would be able to tell your fiance whether visits should rather be supervised.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/12

Its difficult to influence the behaviour of a child you only see part-time, and I understand your concern of the potential influence on the child of an app[arently irresponsible and dishonest mother. Messing his pants suggests he is troubled perhaps in other ways, too. If he spends most of the week with you, and only 2 days with the mother, her influence is unlikely to be too large. best get him assessed properly by a child psychologist, who can also help to plan a program to change this bad behaviour.

Reply to cybershrink

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