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Question
Posted by: Mary | 2009/10/22

Gedeelde toesig van kind

Ek is in 2005 geskei en my seun, nou 12, was in my toesig, het elke tweede naweek na sy pa gegaan. Sy pa wil nou he dat hy by hom moet gaan bly, en elke tweede naweek na my kom. My seun wil egter een week by my bly en die daaropvolgende week by sy pa. Sal die weeklikse verskillende huishoudings enige nadelige invloed op my kind he, of moet ek toegee dat hy eerder dan by sy pa gaan bly?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The child is more likely to be bothered by any conflict that might arise over these questions, rather than by any particular division of his time between his parents. I'm wondering why his father feels a need to change the arrangements right now ? And the central issue, as i would be viewed by any compeent court if it came to that, would be what is for the bnefit of the child, and whether there is any good reason to change existing arrangements ? You may also need legal advice on the issue of custody and implications of the change the dad proposes which would greatly reduce the time the boy spends with you.
And I like Maria's suggestions of both discussion it with the boy to be sure he understands the implications, and suggesting a trial period to see how it suits everyone involved before deciding.
And she also raises the importat issue of communicating with your ex so the basic ground rules on things like discpline, schoolwork, etc., remain the same, with neither parent providing a "soft option".

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2009/10/23

Ns. Maak net seker dat jou seun verstaan hy kan nie elke week van besluit verander nie. As julle besluit hoe dit gaan werk moet dit vir minstens 2 of 3 maande so werk voordat die situasie weer evalueer word. Anders kan hy probeer om julle teen mekaar af te speel.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/23

The child is more likely to be bothered by any conflict that might arise over these questions, rather than by any particular division of his time between his parents. I'm wondering why his father feels a need to change the arrangements right now ? And the central issue, as i would be viewed by any compeent court if it came to that, would be what is for the bnefit of the child, and whether there is any good reason to change existing arrangements ? You may also need legal advice on the issue of custody and implications of the change the dad proposes which would greatly reduce the time the boy spends with you.
And I like Maria's suggestions of both discussion it with the boy to be sure he understands the implications, and suggesting a trial period to see how it suits everyone involved before deciding.
And she also raises the importat issue of communicating with your ex so the basic ground rules on things like discpline, schoolwork, etc., remain the same, with neither parent providing a "soft option".

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2009/10/22

Jou seun is oud genoeg om self te besluit wat hy wil doen, en enige besluit wat julle neem kan tog weer later verander word? Hy is ook oud genoeg om te verstaan dat dinge in ma se huis en pa se huis dalk verskillend werk en mens pas jou aan na gelang van waar jy is. Ek dink dit kan beter werk vir hom as vir jonger kinders om alternatiewe weke by verskillende ouers te wees solank die kommunikasie tussen jou en jou eks goed genoeg is. Inligting oor skoolbedrywighede, toesig oor huiswerk en take, basies reê ls oor gedrag en slaaptye moet ooreengekom word.

Reply to Maria

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