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Question
Posted by: Adrian | 2010-12-22

Gay sex/fetish question (Not for sensitive viewers please)

Hello everyone. Thanks for taking this question seriously, I am aware it is a little graphic and might offend some. I wouldn''t even know where else one could ask about something like this. Perhaps I could have been a little less descriptive, but I want to make sure all the facts are conveyed.

Last night my boyfriend and I were getting intimate and decided to make love. We have occasionally tried it with only spit as lube as this is sort of the least messy / complicated option and since we are commited to one another and have been for a very long time, we have also decided to stop using condoms and have both been tested for STI''s and HIV. Using only spit often doesn''t work though and sometimes we have to resort to lube in the end, but it worked last night.

Anyway, so I rimmed and fingered him a little and then got myself all spitty too and managed to get it in with a little effort and a gasp from him. I''m not huge but am a little above average size and uncircumcised. So it does tend to go fairly far in, till it touches what feels possibly like an inner sphincter but doesn''t go beyond that. So after a little bit of making love like this, I decided it might be fun to 69 for a bit like they do in the porno''s before carrying on with the penetrative sex (I think they call it A2M in the porno''s). Well the lights were off and I pulled out and got him into position where he sucked on me while I rimmed him some more, but he suddenly stopped and said to me he thinks it (he) wasn''t clean and he freaked out a bit. I found it kind of kinky and wouldn''t have stopped, but he was very embarrassed and he put the lights on, told me to close my eyes and not look while he cleaned me off. I told him it really doesn''t bother me and we can just have a shower afterwards if he likes, but he was quite upset. He was also worried about the health concerns of getting a " mouthful"  of you-know-what and that''s mainly the point of my question now.

So to put it in a nutshell I''m really asking:
1) Apart from the psychological or social aspects (and also I wouldn''t force my partner to do something they are not comfortable doing), are there any real health concerns when between two healthy, consenting adults, one partner gets a) his own faeces in his mouth. b) his partner''s faeces. (a relatively small amount I would imagine)?
2) If so, is there anything we should do today to minimise the risk of illness?
3) If he is embarrassed about this and doesn''t find it sexually exciting like I do (although obviously I can go without it if my partner doesn''t want it), and if it is affecting our sex lives negatively, is there any easy and inexpensive way to prevent a reccurrence, other than maybe using condoms and just throwing them away if they come out " dirty" ?

Thanks for your assistance with this. And sorry if I grossed anyone out.
Love from Adrian

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Adrian - I just noticed your post and I do hope you'll see this response.

You are exploring play that many people respond to negatively, in that it touches on a significant taboo as well as trigger off an element of analphobia. You are quite right about the term ATM or A2M (ass to mouth), which is becoming increasingly popular as a theme in straight porn, invariably as an act of the man asserting social dominance over the woman. In porn the withdrawn penis appears clean, but still indicates people's interest in what you are exploring.

I am responding now because there IS a health risk associated with such play - hepatitis is a viral infection that affects your liver. Especially hepatitis A is transmitted through contact with even very small quantities of faeces. I suggest that both you and your partner get screened for hep A and B, and if you are negative that you both get vaccinated against these infections. A duo vaccine (for both A and B) is available (called Twinrex) and you will probably need three shots over a period of time before you are protected. Please speak to your doctor about this, or if you are in Cape Town or Jhb contact Health4Men for advice.

If your partner is too inhibited to explore this further, or if he has inhibitions about being 'clean', you can explore using female condoms (branded as Femidoms) very effectively for anal sex. These condoms differ from the more commonly-used male condoms in that they remain inside the anus after the top has withdrawn his penis - the female condom is removed by the bottom, in privacy and without him having to worry about it being clean. I have written an article on this in the current issue (Issue 5 Summer 2010/11) in Out Africa magazine.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: > > >  | 2011-01-12

oi this is gross

Reply to &gt &gt &gt 
Posted by: LD | 2011-01-07

As soon as you say ''not for sensitive viewers'' you can be sure that everyone WILL read this.

Reply to LD
Posted by: Gareth | 2010-12-22

Hi Adrian.<br>You might get some nasty comments but just ignore them. I think all of us have had, one time or the other, had to deal with something like this, even the straight men that is so into anal sex with their girlfriends. <br>Yes, unfortunately anal sex is a bit more complicated, but it shouldn''t have to be a burden or an embarrassment. <br>Other than using condoms, there are indeed a few things you could do to prevent a reoccurrence like this, but nothing is really completely foolproof. <br>Obviously, using lube might make it easier, but that is your choice. <br>It is not always nice to have to " prepare"  before sex, it could be sort of a passion killer, but it is a " necessary evil"  sometimes.<br>Make sure that you have your bowel movement a few hours before. You could also use a douche, with a small amount of lukewarm water (never use soap, just water) just to rinse it out a bit. But we do not always plan sex ahead, so I suggest that if it is a spontaneous session, and you did not have time to " prepare"  a little, it might be easier to rather use a condom like you said, or otherwise it could be worth it to keep a wet towel next to the bed, so that if it does evolve this way, you could give your penis a quick wipe (while kissing?) just to be sure and safe.<br><br>As for health concerns, I would not be too worried if you both are healthy. <br><br>Now tell your boyfriend to stop stressing, and show him that you love him

Reply to Gareth

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