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Question
Posted by: Lourens | 2011-04-04

Gay?

I have recently discovered that my 13yo son has been surfing gay porn sites on his cellphone. Does that mean the obvious or how should I approach the situation??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Lourens

It might mean that he is gay, but equally he might be curious or unsure of his sexuality. For now I would suggest no pressure, but in general make it clear that you are fine with him being him whoever that is.

If you are wanting to speak to him about not being happy about him looking at porn sites you can keep that very vague in terms of the orientation of the content. In that way if you say you don't think he should be looking at porn sites rather than saying you dont think he should be looking at gay porn sites he will get the message that your concern is about the porn rather than the orientation of it.

Many teenage boys question their sexuality especially in the early teens, and it is about giving him to time to become aware of who he is and what his preferences are.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ncumisa | 2011-07-01

i think you should open up that space for him to approach you, maybe he is still looking a for a way on how to tell you, don''t rush, but if it continues for a long time, seat down and look for answers, maybe, because you have to accommodate, his being, but continue loving him, because it might be a peer thing.

Reply to ncumisa
Posted by: Teen expert | 2011-04-06

Hi Lourens

It might mean that he is gay, but equally he might be curious or unsure of his sexuality. For now I would suggest no pressure, but in general make it clear that you are fine with him being him whoever that is.

If you are wanting to speak to him about not being happy about him looking at porn sites you can keep that very vague in terms of the orientation of the content. In that way if you say you don't think he should be looking at porn sites rather than saying you dont think he should be looking at gay porn sites he will get the message that your concern is about the porn rather than the orientation of it.

Many teenage boys question their sexuality especially in the early teens, and it is about giving him to time to become aware of who he is and what his preferences are.

Reply to Teen expert
Posted by: Wise | 2011-04-05

First, are you sure that it is Gay porn? Sometimes there is straight porn that shows everything (Men / Woman). Second, if you’ re not a homophobe, asks your son which gender does he like. Before doing that, ask your husband on the subject. See how he reacts on the subject. If he''s hostel, then keep this like " a mother knows all"  secret. If not and your cool with the idea of him being Gay. Go ahead. Be gentle...

Reply to Wise

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