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Question
Posted by: Filicia | 2009-09-23

Gang Raped

I was gang raped in 1998, and i have just realized that i' ve made the biggest mistake by telling my husband about it. I was suffering from depression after the rape incident, so every time i tried to explain that i was feeling depressed, he did not understand, until i explained him that i had post natal depression after my childs birth and it got worse after the rape incident, he is criticizing and underminding me.

What can i do to change the sitution, cause i realized that i have made a big mistake telling him that i was gang raped and depressed.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's sad simply when a spouse fails to understand what their partner means when he or she says they are Depressed. Post-Natal Depression is significant, and quite common ; and after a gang-rape you are entitled to depression and or many other varieties of distress. I believe that whenever a doctor or psychologist diagnoses Depression, they ought to ask to meet or speak to the spouse of the patient and explain what this means.
It should never be a mistake to tell one's spouse that one is depressed, let alone that one has been raped or otherwise assaulted, and sympathy and an earnest attempt to understand, is the least one can expect from them. It's hard to believe that you went through the awful experience of gang-rape without telling him, indeed, without him being aware that something awful had happened to you. At the time you needed medical care, blood testing, and urgent and defini8tive counselling. You don't mention whether you have received or do now receive, any proper expert treatment for the depression or the aftermath of the rape. It is essential, and you deserve it.
I suggest that now you arrange to see a good local shrink for a proper assessment, and treatment of your depression ( and possibly for other post-traumatic problems ), potentially by medication and CBT-style counselling. Once that is taken care of, one topic to discuss with your therapist / counsellor would be how to handle your husband's remarkably unsympathetic responses to your problems.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-09-23

Oh my girl I am so sorry. You need all the sympathy and loving care you can get. I cannot begin to express my deepest sympathy and being a male, ashamed of my fellow males for doing that to you. Note  male: and not man, as no " man"  would ever do that. Please get whatever help is available to help you reassure yourself that yoiu are a beautiful individual. So sorry and I do hope you are able to resolve this horrible event.

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