Posted by: Stepmum | 2009-07-10

Furtherup of stepdaughter behaviour

I stay with my husband to be 10 months old son, 13 years old stepdaughter and the abdopted daughter.

I dont know whether I am strict, suspicious or otherwise but I just need your overall assistance on this or whether I need councilling.

My stepdaughter is acting very funny, first she will wake up and just want to watch TV and I will tell her in front of her father that no she has first to watch teeth, lay her bed and then she can come and watch TV but the father just told me in front of her that I am violent and I have issues. Right we talked over this and I told him that I will never ever ask her anything to do in the house because it seems I am troubling her. And its like that I do everything and just look at her and now she has taught the adopted one to behave just like that. You know I have never seen something like this I dont watch TV, she is the one who always watch TV and DSTV but I have said fine to stop ras I must just keep quiet.

I have realised something this weekend, when we come from work I go to bedroom and ithe father immediately when I come out she will come in and they will talk so that no one can hear them and yesterday they did not see me I was standing just near them but could not hear what they were saying I then came in like I was going to the toilet guess what the father pretended like he was asleep I said why do you pretend like a sleeping person, he said I have issues and I am agreesive I laughed and came out again she came back and this time I saw her being given money, we have discussed this before that when he wants to give children money he needs not give them like I dont want him to give them I am not that kind of person I am working and understands this is his daughter.

The other thing that I am worried about is that ever since we have lived together I have to beg him to but milk for my baby or just take me out or give me money for hair or anything so that I can but things in the house the only thing that he does is to buy food only I have realised this and I only also buy food. When I talk about entertainment when we are out he will tell me to pay for the bill and say I am the one who suggested, my boss has given me 10 vouchers of different restaurants at the Ceasar' s Palace, I told him I am so lucky that someone has suggested to take me out without me paying for the bill, he was so angry, the daughter gets 100 or 50 every week for the hair and the other thing is I am so worried what he will do next year the daughter has registered herself to Ophrah Academy now she wants clothing and so on. December we are getting married and I am wondering how is he going to cope I have told him boarding school life is very expensive even if they dont pay he will have to give him money for this and that and she is just a primary school kid at least if it was high school.

Whenever I show him what to do I have seen he does not want me to talk bad about the daughter I know it is his daughter but she needs discipline.

Am I crazy, jelous or what please council me and give advise.

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Our expert says:
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I consider it to be a form of child abuse for any parent to fail to give a child proper structure and discipline in a reasonable and kindly way. Too many divorced parents, maybe more father, spoil the kids out of huiltm and let them do whatever they please, which is not good for the child who will later in life be so disappointed that nobopdy else on earth believes she should get everything she wants. Maybe you have issues, some of the justified --- but so, very obviously, does he.
It's ludicrous to waste 50 or 100 R a week on hairdos for a 13-year-old ; and to deny milk for a baby is abusive and neglect.
Why are you marrying this man ? It sounds as though he considers you a servant for himself and his daughter, and has no real concern for you and your baby. Think very carefll before marying him or even continuing with the present arrangement. Things won't improve after marriage. If you were separated, you would not only take care of your own expenses, and work only for yourself and your baby, but could go to the maintenance court which would require him to pay proper maintenance for the needs and expenses of the baby.

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