Our expert says:
As I discussed in another recent answer, I think one of the diseases currently afflicting South Africa is the widespread asumption that every victim of anyone else's bad or selfish or criminal behaviour has a duty to "forgive them". This is not so, and should enver be considered so.
OK, in situations like yours, there may be reasons to decide to overlook or to respond forgivingly to someone's bad behaviour, in partiocular circumstances, including that the person is sorry and contrite ( not just sorry that they were caught !) And if they are realyl convincing that they will not repeat the infraction.
In the situation you describe, it was probably not wise to continue and get maried, at least not until after a longer period of knowing each other and remaining in a relationship in which he could demonstrate that he was indeed oing to behave properly.
For him to avoid all contact with the other woman EXCEPT as regards the welfare of the child, was a reasonable expectation. But regarding contact between him and the child, the primary and overwhelming concern must be whatever would be best for the child. And generally, the child would benefit from continuing contact with her bi-father.
It is entirely fair for you to expect him to unambiguously choose you over the other woman ( or to have gone ahead and maried her instead). But it isn't fair, to the entirely innocent child, to insist that he choose between you and her - she is not your rival. She's a kid.
He can understandably feel guilty about what he did to you, and about what he is still doing to the blameless child.
Maybe you need some individual counselling to work through your own conflicted feelings about all this, especially the way in which you ae, essentially, blaming the child for what her mother did.
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