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Question
Posted by: Mommy | 2011-06-23

Frustrated

Help me please. The problem which i have is that i am very short tempered towards my kids, unreasonably short tempered, i scare myself sometimes i feel sorry for them. I scram at them for no reason make them feel that they are no good etc, although i will never hit my kids for i was abused as a kid but now i am doing it to my kids verbally. I feel irritated when they are around please help, i have got this horrible mood swings, and don''t know how to control them.

What can i do please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

See a counsellor, preferably one offering SBT style counselling, to understand why you are getting this irritable specifically with your kids ( you don't describe geting irritable with anyone else ) ; and how to avoid this, and remain calm with them. Maybe you are over-enxious to "control them", when kids are no always uncontrollable, and when the way you try to achieve this, by shouting and laying down the law, does not encourage kids to behave better. A counsellor can help you work out a far more effective and pleasant method for achieving a useful degree of control.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Lee | 2011-06-24

When you are calm sit down with your children and talk to them on their level (I don''t know what their ages are). Tell them about life and moods and frustrations without blaming them. Tell them that sometimes their actions irritate you and you lose your temper but that you love them and it doesnt mean if you scold them, that you do not love them. All mommies get moody and lose some control. Dont beat yourself up about it but dont let you children ever doubt that sometimes mommy can be calm and fun. Do things together. I like walk on the beach or a park with my children because then I can stroll and think on my own while watching them run and plpay ahead. We are together but each enjoying our own thing, I pack a bag or box of treats for each of them so it seems they have their own hike pack and dont bother me too much. Calm down, and be forgiving of yourself and the children. Just don''t underestimate the power of talking to children when you are calm. Explain things to them. They so understand things in perspective. Good luck and best.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Lilly | 2011-06-23

I agree with Goggles - it''s not easy and still looking for that book on how to be the perfect mommy. Kids have a way of driving you insane and nobody blames you for getting irritated - but yes, bite your lip, count to 10 and disappear for a few minutes! Kids don''t have our intelligence or understanding of life and emotions and when you keep this in mind your attituted towards them should improve. Hang in there girl - we''ve all been there!!!

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: goggels | 2011-06-23

Oh I know... it is so difficult raising kids, working, worrying about money and stuff etc etc, You are really not the exception to the rule and there is nothing wrong with you.
What you need is " you"  time and " Us"  time and you need to clearly distinguish between the two.
I assume you work so when you get home stuff is hectic !!!! The kids need to tay out of your face for at least 1 hour so you can do what you have to do. Initially this will be hard, but after supper, switch off completekly and give them your undivided attention, calm, cool controlled. (Have a glass of wine if you struggle with this one !!!) Colour in, play with clay, read a book to them, play cards...whatever it takes. I find the TV and radio should be off as not only does it distract it also irritates the sh!t out of me, trying to remain calm LOL. Then, depending how old they are, they need to go to bed or do whatever they need to do.
This 1 hour without TV or interuptions, will give then an incentive to respect your time.
Bite your lip girl bite your lip.... It gets better.

Reply to goggels
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-23

See a counsellor, preferably one offering SBT style counselling, to understand why you are getting this irritable specifically with your kids ( you don't describe geting irritable with anyone else ) ; and how to avoid this, and remain calm with them. Maybe you are over-enxious to "control them", when kids are no always uncontrollable, and when the way you try to achieve this, by shouting and laying down the law, does not encourage kids to behave better. A counsellor can help you work out a far more effective and pleasant method for achieving a useful degree of control.

Reply to cybershrink

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