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Question
Posted by: Tanya | 2010-11-16

Frustrated

My husband has been very down, tired, and stressed for the past 2 months. I have to ask for affection and sex. I am getting to the point where I don" t feel loved and appreciated. I am also tired of always asking. should I just ignore him, or will I be shooting myself in the foot?
Before he goes to work, he will kiss me goodbye and say He loves me, and he''ll kiss me when he arrives home in the evening from work.
Is this behavious normal , what should I as a wife do?
Please advise.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Stress; emotional and physical fatigue is a big romantic killer. Furthermore we tend to get so used to one another that we tend to start neglecting the relationship. It is also important to bear in mind that we as people also have different love languages that need to be explored and incorporated into the relationship. I might be worth it for you and your husband to seek professional assistance from a psychologist that works specifically in the field of sexual health.

You are welcome to visit our website – www.shuttledirect.co.za to read up a bit more on lack of sexual desire; sexual response disparity and some useful exercises you and your partner could engage in to rekindle the love and intimacy.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: man | 2010-11-18

I agree with woman, we do take our time, sometimes we don''t say for fear of that being used as future amunation when there is a fight. So we internally process it, the thing is it takes longer to get out of the system than it would had we spoken about it. All of us have been subjected to a situation where you confided in a woman and the next thing you bang like that "  it is in your face"  things like you can''t even get it up you lousy piece of sh...last longer in our ego hence we tried to show this heart of steal charector for it has no weakness. You know if you told a man something in confidence, that thing is safe locked and never to be brought up again unless the teller decides to bring it up again.

Reply to man
Posted by: Woman | 2010-11-16

Tanya, when men are stressed, they like to spend time alone to sort out whatever it is that is bugging them. Men have this strange belief that it shows weakness when they discuss their problems, and generally they will only do so if they can speak to someone who they know will offer them good advice. It does not sound like he has anyone to talk to (another male?) Maybe you know someone who you know he respects and trusts, and maybe that man can speak with him. NOt about sex,but about life.

When we women have problems, we call a girlfriend or a sister, so it''s strange and hurtful when we get rejected verbally and sexually and physically. Don''t feel that way, don''t take it personal. Rather just do your own thing for a while. If he sees you''re okay, then it''s one less thing for him to worry about.

Just let him know that you are there and won''t go away and that you understand he needs his space right now. Just be sure to tell him too, that he can take the time he needs, but at some stage, you are going to expect him back 100%.

Good luck

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Tanya | 2010-11-16

This is the REAL Tanya. Thanks for all the positive advice, and no he is not a male stripper - he is in the motor industry.
Perhas I just need to give him space, and let him be for a while as for the sex, thing did all of that NAKED stuff, but I am getting to the point where I have had enough of the initiating of sex, and would like him to ask for a change ...

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: Apache | 2010-11-16

Hi Tanya ,
Ye! my addy is : ash2010 at hotmai dot co dot za .

Hope I can be of assistance .

Reply to Apache
Posted by: Samantha | 2010-11-16

Tonight get into bed NAKED as if it is the most normal thing in the world to you. Don''t give him a naughty, expecting look - just act as if it is completely normal.... I am sure that this should do the trick.

Reply to Samantha
Posted by: XXX | 2010-11-16

I doubt whether the last post by " Tanya"  is the same as the original question !
He " might"  actually be stressed in which case you need to find the time for your lovemaking,talk to him about your needs etc and how much you miss making love to him.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Bozo | 2010-11-16

Yep he is tired, very tired. In fact I''m
surprised that he even has the energy to kiss you goodbye in the mornings.

Reply to Bozo
Posted by: Oom Piet | 2010-11-16

Hahahaha....the male stripper part put this article into a whole new perspective!

Reply to Oom Piet
Posted by: Tanya | 2010-11-16

Hi Apache

Thanks for youe concern but my husband is a male stripper at night and he works in the mine during the day...Do you have a addy where we can chat about what i need to do with regards to his strange behaviour?

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: Apache | 2010-11-16

Just give him a chance ... maybe there are stresses out there and is taking time-out.Talk a little to ease the problem ....
Can I ask you what type of work is he involved with .. maybe he is really tired .
Remember these are stressful times we are living in .

Reply to Apache
Posted by: Tanya | 2010-11-16

Forgot to mention, we are both 35 years old, with 2 wonderful children.
just don" t know what to do for him any more....

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: sexologist | 2010-11-16

Stress; emotional and physical fatigue is a big romantic killer. Furthermore we tend to get so used to one another that we tend to start neglecting the relationship. It is also important to bear in mind that we as people also have different love languages that need to be explored and incorporated into the relationship. I might be worth it for you and your husband to seek professional assistance from a psychologist that works specifically in the field of sexual health.

You are welcome to visit our website – www.shuttledirect.co.za to read up a bit more on lack of sexual desire; sexual response disparity and some useful exercises you and your partner could engage in to rekindle the love and intimacy.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.

Reply to sexologist

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