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Question
Posted by: anon | 2010/09/11

FRUSTRATED!

Hi Prof, I was diagnosed with depression, GAD and traits of a borderline personality. I see a therapist weekly and am taking seroquel, epitec &  nuzak. Can you explain why my mood changes so quickly? One minute I am feeling fine and the next I am down, depressed and weepy. I put on a mask so that no one (except my therapist) knows how I really feel. When I am feeling at my worst, I am told I am looking and coping well (esp at work). At work I will be very productive and happy, but once I go to the bathroom I fall apart and start crying. When i leave the bathroom, I put on my happy face again. This is when I feel split and don''t know who the real me is. I then start doubting my sincerity especially towards my therapist...am I conning him (and you) into feeling sorry foe me? I am not bipolar or a true borderline, so can you explain what is happening to me? My therapist is understanding and has the patience of a saint and I am scared I am going to drive him away as I keep on " testing"  and doubting if he is sincere or not. After 3yrs I should know that he is sincere in wanting to help me but this little voice of doubt gets louder and louder and I am scared of him getting fed-up with me. Prof, I don''t understand my behaviour? One minute I feel sane and happy, and the next I have dark, suicidal thoughts which is very frustrating as I know I will never act on them but the thoughts become obsessive and I can''t seem to turn them off. Although I have been going to therapy weekly for the past 3 yrs, I still question him every week if he wants to cancel our session as I believe he has grown tired of me and is only seeing me because he doesn''t want to hurt my feelings. It is very frustrating being the person I am. There is a part that wants to fight and never give up but the other part doubts my sincereness in everything I do or say. I hope I am making sense to you? (I wanted to delete this post as I thought I am lying and am only trying to get your sympathy. Can you understand how frustrated I am?)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously your therapist / shrink should be best placed to discuss this with you. As to Bipolar Disorder, probably most move through relaively slow cycles into highs and lows, some are described as "rapid-cycling" and the mood movements are more rapid.
OK, so you have made a probably wise decision not to display your bad and sad moods to everyone ( its usually of little value to do so ) and to appear well and capable - and the dysjunction isn't as large or contradictory as it seems - and BOTh aspects are you. A diamond has many facets, which face in different directions , and at any time, or from any angle, some are shining and some are barely visible. And ALL of that is a diamond.
Your behaviour isn't entirely you - it is what You do, and You could do things differently. And you can change your behaviour very valuably without ever understanding "why" you ever did things in an unhelpful way.
Try not to think orm to make assumptions, in absolutes ? Is your therapist 120 % Sincere ? Maybe not - who is ? But he is way more than sincere enough. How sincere does he have to be to be useful for you ? Develop a sense of "enoughness". Demanding absolute total purity and perfection isn't necessary, and condemns one to spending unnecessarily long periods in the waiting room.
Similarly, you agonize by querying your own sincerity ? Are you totally, eternally, utterly sincere ? I hope not. How boring that could be. But you are way, way, sincere enough.
Maybe try visualizing more of these passing moods, sunny or cloudy, as one adjusts to the weather - OK, here comes a storm, but afterwards, the dust will have been laid and the garden watered, and the sun always does come out if we bother to notice it. Instead of reacting with horror as though the thunder will be eternal, put on a raincoat and plan for the next sunny spell.
Because some of us, like you, can so easily get trapped in habits of second-guessing ( and third-guessing, and so on ) and over-intellectually over-analyzing everything one does, thinks, says, or whatever anyone else does, and this can become more of a full-time occupation than a helpful method. In such situations, more analytical methods can be very counter-productive, and the more cheerfully business-like approach of CBT is refreshingly more useful.


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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/12

Obviously your therapist / shrink should be best placed to discuss this with you. As to Bipolar Disorder, probably most move through relaively slow cycles into highs and lows, some are described as "rapid-cycling" and the mood movements are more rapid.
OK, so you have made a probably wise decision not to display your bad and sad moods to everyone ( its usually of little value to do so ) and to appear well and capable - and the dysjunction isn't as large or contradictory as it seems - and BOTh aspects are you. A diamond has many facets, which face in different directions , and at any time, or from any angle, some are shining and some are barely visible. And ALL of that is a diamond.
Your behaviour isn't entirely you - it is what You do, and You could do things differently. And you can change your behaviour very valuably without ever understanding "why" you ever did things in an unhelpful way.
Try not to think orm to make assumptions, in absolutes ? Is your therapist 120 % Sincere ? Maybe not - who is ? But he is way more than sincere enough. How sincere does he have to be to be useful for you ? Develop a sense of "enoughness". Demanding absolute total purity and perfection isn't necessary, and condemns one to spending unnecessarily long periods in the waiting room.
Similarly, you agonize by querying your own sincerity ? Are you totally, eternally, utterly sincere ? I hope not. How boring that could be. But you are way, way, sincere enough.
Maybe try visualizing more of these passing moods, sunny or cloudy, as one adjusts to the weather - OK, here comes a storm, but afterwards, the dust will have been laid and the garden watered, and the sun always does come out if we bother to notice it. Instead of reacting with horror as though the thunder will be eternal, put on a raincoat and plan for the next sunny spell.
Because some of us, like you, can so easily get trapped in habits of second-guessing ( and third-guessing, and so on ) and over-intellectually over-analyzing everything one does, thinks, says, or whatever anyone else does, and this can become more of a full-time occupation than a helpful method. In such situations, more analytical methods can be very counter-productive, and the more cheerfully business-like approach of CBT is refreshingly more useful.


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