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Question
Posted by: elle | 2010/08/19

frustrated

Hi ppl
i luv sex, but for some reason or the other i cant reach an orgasm, i fake it. i was married 4 about 8 years and my ex was my first and only partner that always made me reach it. i''ve had had only 2 bf''s with whom i was sexually active with, i loved them but could never reach it, even with foreplay. i''m tired of faking, what could the problem be?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

If you have had the experience of orgasm then you know that you have the capacity and you know what to expect. It's difficult to say with certainty, but three possibilities might be:
(1) you are psychologically blocking letting go for some reason (anxiety about being hurt - not sure about the circumstances for your ex becoming an ex),
(2) you were lucky that your ex happened to do what was pleasurable for you and you never had to direct him as you may need to direct your new boyfriends,
(3) either of the first two to begin with, but then you began 'watching' and trying to make yourself experience an orgasm by willing it to happen - in this case you are not really focusing on the sensation and enjoying the moment but are rather more in your head.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: agta | 2010/08/27

can u tel me what orgasm is? im realy confused,im marid for a year i dont now if i hav reached/didnt reach it.i kindly nid explaination pliz assist im corios,

Reply to agta
Posted by: elle | 2010/08/20

thanks guys,
You make very good points Doc, I relate, and thank you so much guys for the advice, as difficult it is for me to talk about sex, to anyone, i''ll try.

Reply to elle
Posted by: H | 2010/08/19

Since you were able to reach orgasm with ex husband, it is either the inability of the other partners OR you are not as relaxed with them as you were with him and are trying to hard. Just relax and don''t expect anything. Then it will happen again.

Reply to H
Posted by: A woman | 2010/08/19

I would definitely start by trying some vibrators, especially clitoral ones as they are amazing at getting woman to climax. You may want to incorporate them into your foreplay with your partner as well, I do this and it''s amazing. I have mind blowing orgasms with them. Using toys can really enhance lovemaking sessions.

Reply to A woman
Posted by: Vidic | 2010/08/19

Tell him what he must do to you, or guide him with your hand what he must do, if you dont talk about it, nothing will change. Thats why you been faking all this years, so please communicationis the best medicine wen it comes to sexual issues with your partner.

Reply to Vidic
Posted by: XXX | 2010/08/19

I agree with Rex,tell your partner what it is that you like and hopefully he will oblige.
You might also want to try some lubes and/or sex toys.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Rex | 2010/08/19

Why dont you tell them what you need them to do girl. Men dont know as much as we like you to believe.

Reply to Rex
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/08/19

If you have had the experience of orgasm then you know that you have the capacity and you know what to expect. It's difficult to say with certainty, but three possibilities might be:
(1) you are psychologically blocking letting go for some reason (anxiety about being hurt - not sure about the circumstances for your ex becoming an ex),
(2) you were lucky that your ex happened to do what was pleasurable for you and you never had to direct him as you may need to direct your new boyfriends,
(3) either of the first two to begin with, but then you began 'watching' and trying to make yourself experience an orgasm by willing it to happen - in this case you are not really focusing on the sensation and enjoying the moment but are rather more in your head.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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