Posted by: Dike | 2010-02-26


Hi all,

I am a 24 year Male. My recently moved in with my 23 year GF again. We used to live together until she found a job that required her to move to Bloem. She has since come back and every aspect of the relationship is good, except for one.

She does not like having sex and when we do have it (twice a week), it''''s always my initiatives. I''''ve spoken to her about it a couple of times, and she gives reasons such as me wanting it too much, her not being a sexual person, her not being in the mood, etc.
Our relationship outside of sex is not too bad. We work in the same industry, I sometimes help her with her work, school, cooking, cleaning. I''''m no Will Smith, but I would like to believe I''''m an attractive young man.

Cheating is not an option as I am naturally an honest person. I have tried everything from talking to her, flowers, massages,etc she is just not interested. I do not think she''''s cheating.

What more can a guy do? We''''re both in our early 20s, we should be having the best sex...

Some mature advice would help.

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Our expert says:
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Different sexual needs and desires are often a challenge in relationships. You could read a bit more on the sexual disparity to assist you in understanding the differences. The challenge is not in trying to defend or attack the other one’s different sexual needs, but to find a way to integrate both of the partner’s needs in the relationship. It is advisable for the two of you to seek guidance together to assess what you could both do to ensure that your relationship leave both of you satisfied.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner that you could go and see as close as possible to you.
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The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: sam | 2010-02-27

Believe me - the situation will not improve. It will only get worse. You will later begin to really suffer if you get married.

The best advise is - GET OUT NOW. If you do decide to stay you must realise that you are in for a rough ride.

Reply to sam
Posted by: miki | 2010-02-26

i know what the problem is, is she on birth control pills? all the years before i had kids while taking that synthethic hormone i thought i was not a sex animal, until 3 months after i stopped taking the pill, let s just say i have discovered myself!!! it has a major affect on sex life makin sum women dry and not interested. Tell her you read on the internet re this and you will go with her to support her to her gynae if she want to change to an option (there are other options) that will not have side effects like the pill, explore the options and see what happens. On the other hand you both sound very decent and maybe she is just dealing mentally with the fact that she is having sex before marriage which can be an issue for some women. You sound like a nice guy that says he willnot cheat, good fo ryou brother for not taking the easy way out and first trying to sort it out. Agree on 4 times a wk and 2 of those she must be ready, you jsut have to come to a solution, you sound in love with her why not fight for it, after 6 months or so then well if its sttl same i guess you got answer

Reply to miki
Posted by: XXX | 2010-02-26

It is a fact of life,we all have different levels of libido,the trick is to find someone that meets your and her needs ie meet somewhere in the middle.
If you feel she does not satisfy your needs,after chatting to her about it etc,then you might have to consider moving on.That sounds tough but one has to be as compatible as possible.
I hope you can work things out.

Reply to XXX

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