advertisement
Question
Posted by: Thobeka | 2009/05/11

Frustrated

I am staying with the step daughters and husband. They are between 12 &  13years old and I have a 8mnths old baby. The father is spoiling the kids he treats them like glasses he does not want them to touch anything, so I have decided to ask him if I want anything because when I ask them directly he says I am arogant to his daughters how do I deal with this. Yesterday I washed and the clothes where in the line I have been thinking about this but thought maybe they will decide to take the clothes off the line before it rains, but guess what maybe because their father didnt tell them then they left the clothes and when we got in they decided to take the clothes and I told them no leave it I will do it. He was so cross with them I told him its your teaching, I dont want to stay with them anymore how do I discuss this with him. Not thst I am lazy but they need to know that there are things that they need to do at home and I also exist as a mother even though I am not their mother. Like now when I see something and want to buy I just think oh those kids they dont want me so why should I bother to please them.

Please advise.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

These are always potential problems in this sort of situation. YOu and he need to sit down together as adults and parents and work out a basic code of conduct, set of rules, for the kids, about what is expected from them, and what they can expect from both of you, with consequences for bad behaviour and breaking these rules ( temporary loss of treats and privileges, eg ) and good consequences for keeping to the rules. And then enforce these rules TOGETHER and in the same way.
They must respect you as the person who mothers hem even if not their birth-mother, and he needs to realize that it is necessary for them, so they can grow into good people, that they have duties and chores as well as privileges and treats. I consider it to be a form of child abuse to spoil kids.
Good points raised by Liza and Really

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2009/05/11

A serious chat with your husband is definitely needed. Rules are needed about behaviour and how others in the family should be treated. If there is no respect, it becomes a huge problem. Buying them stuff that isn' t necessary just so that they might like you more is also not the answer. They will just disrespect you more because they don' t have to earn your respect. They will also need to start to help out with the chores. After all, you are NOT the maid and they contribute to the need for chores. Since they contribute to the need for chores, they should help with the chores. Its only fair after all.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Really | 2009/05/11

You need to firstly request that you and your hubby have a serious discussion on how you two will raise the kids properly and the two of you need to agree to stand united in any decisions made, either by you or by him... it needn' t be his not so constractive suggestions.. otherwise those girls will be more than spoilt. Demand that he gives you the time and he must allow a discussion otherwise this relationship is not going anywhere.

You don' t have to buy them anything just to please them... buy it because you want to buy it because they need it. Parents don' t have to be nice to kids that have bad habits... they will always be bad... even if it were your younger child behaving in this bad way, you would still need to discipline them.. Thobeka.. put your foot down and ask your hubby and you to run the household and not the girls.... good luck... it' s a tuff one though...

Reply to Really
Posted by: Really | 2009/05/11

You need to firstly request that you and your hubby have a serious discussion on how you two will raise the kids properly and the two of you need to agree to stand united in any decisions made, either by you or by him... it needn' t be his not so constractive suggestions.. otherwise those girls will be more than spoilt. Demand that he gives you the time and he must allow a discussion otherwise this relationship is not going anywhere.

You don' t have to buy them anything just to please them... buy it because you want to buy it because they need it. Parents don' t have to be nice to kids that have bad habits... they will always be bad... even if it were your younger child behaving in this bad way, you would still need to discipline them.. Thobeka.. put your foot down and ask your hubby and you to run the household and not the girls.... good luck... it' s a tuff one though...

Reply to Really

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement