Posted by: frustrated | 2009-03-24


My fiance has been nagging me for more that a year to have a baby. I finally agreed, since I realise I do love him and I am turning 30 this year. I fell pregnant 3 months back. he was out of work and kept prominising he would get for a job. he is not even bothering to apply. he wants to get into business but there is no start up capital. He has since changed. he does not want me to go with him anywhere, he comes home after 2 am or sometimes doesn' t at all and says he slept at a friend' s house ect, etc..switches off his phone the whole night. He is secretive. lately he even got a gun, for what I don' t even know. I am giving up on this relationship. it' s just hard for me because I could be moving on without any strings attached, now he starts behaving like this when I am pregnant with his child. he is not that person anymore. I don' t want to stay to change him, but I am afraid he will try to takie my baby once it' s born. lately I even have to ask him to go see a doctor with me. but there is a woman friend of his who has a daughter, he actually volunteers picking her daughter up from creche and drive around with her on weekends. is this normal for a man who wanted to be a father for so long to behave like this? this sounds like a soapie I know. Instead of being happy, I feel trapped. I feel I may have missed something about him that maybe was there all the time, I just have not seen it before. I am really frustrated.

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Our expert says:
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Deciing to have a baby ought to be about love for the baby, not love for your fiancee. And if he couldn't even put in the effort to get a job to support the child, why did he expect you to do this for him ? Guys who are out of work and who have not had years of experience at succeeding in a line of work, very rarely if ever succeed in starting up mtheir own business. And if he was so keen for you to have a bay with him, why can't he bothered to spend his nights with you, rather than tomcatting out all night ? And getting a gun ? He's surely up to no good at all.
There is no way he could possibly take the baby from you after it is born --- he has no fixed abode of his own, no job, and is probably mixed up in crime. No court is that stupid. He's no benefit to you or the child. He is revealing himself as a dreadful and uncaring partner and parent. See a counsellor and plan to look after yourself and your child --- and you will keep the child after it is born, and could go to the Maintenance Court to have the court order him to pay maintenance for the child's expenses --- that's the least he should do for the child he insisted you should bear.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Single mom | 2009-03-25

Hi Frustrated

I know exactly where you coming from and the fear you have where your unborn baby is concerned. Do your self a favour and move on you owe it to yourself and you baby.

Do yourself another favour when you go register your baby make sure you put the baby on your surname and father as unknown, I wish I had done this it would have made my life a lot easier.

Best of luck

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