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Question
Posted by: bleeding | 2010/11/08

friendships - or no

Oh Doc,
Don''t laugh but... I''ve had some hassles before making friends and was quite alone and then made a concious decision to do something about it and proceeded to go out and meet new people and contact friends I hand''t seen in a while to rekindle association. I am bipolar and I am now starting to realise with a bang why people with bipolar disorder have trouble with relationships... they have taken over my life. Sometimes I''m in the mood to have friends and then sometimes I just wish to sit silently and read and languish in my own world without distraction and consistent whining from this new social armada of mine about why I''m not contacting them: i.e. why have I not sent them a sms 4 times to let them know what I''m doing, why I''m not answering my phone EVERYTIME it rings. Geez, mad attack!
I can sympathise in a way, I do want to be there for my friends like they''re there for me, but hey! C''mon. And a lot of my friends tend to ''fall in love'' with me. I am a caring person and wherever I can help, I make a point to do so. But now they have freaking taken this actual human decency and caring to another association: they think I''m nice because I want them romantically and I don''t want ANYONE romantically right now. Giving someone a lift every now and then when it''s raining does not mean I want a relationship, and saying " HI, have a super successful day"  does not translate to " oh, I love you, I can''t get enough of you" . I actually tell them I''m not looking for a relationship and I love meeting new people to network, have fun, etc.
It''s not just one person - and it''s ticking me off!
I keep my phone on silent when I''m at work (it''s a brand new job and I will not be distracted by personal calls / sms'' - I struggle to keep jobs and I am determined to keep this one, because I can and pissing around on your personal phone all day does not a good impression make.
AND because I''ve only just started working again, I unfortunately could not pay bills previously and I have creditors bugging me all hours of the day. I am making a plan to pay them but will not have myself worked up while I''m trying to get my head above water.
It''s overwhelming. I need friends, we all do, and helping others out helps me too - to give back. And I genuinely care. perhaps that''s not too common and then people latch onto me like sticky honey I can''t shrug off!
How the heck do I manitain a balance? And when I tell them: I''m working, or I don''t answer my phone ALL the time then they get angry and think I''m now being nasty.
To be alone...? I am seriously considering this!
Else if there is a way to strike balance... how do ''normal'' people do it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

From your description of these "friends", I don't think you're the one with problems ! They're the whiny, clingy, desperate attention-seekers ; you sound like a normal introvert.
The concept of "being there" for people started as good sense - beign available when there was a GENUINE emergency or need - not being constantly blabbering to each other about trivia. Cell-phones have enabled more people to be witlessle annoying than ever before.
These are not "friends", they're flies buzzin round some newly discovwered honey. Put the lid back on the honey pot, and let thm buzz off somewhere else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/11/08

Good luck with the new job. If people think you''re being nasty for not answering your phone - let them think you''re nasty. True friends will understand that you cannot always answer your phone or reply to a sms.

I find the whole facebook scene exhausting. People who constantly expect me to tell them what I''m doing etc. People who constantly expect me to ''like'' this or that, take part in useless questionnaires, show my support for their facebook causes etc. etc. It never ends and they always expect more. Thus I no longer use facebook. My real friends are the friends I actually visit and see in person. Other than that - why do I want to give the whole world an update on my life? If I can''t stay in contact without facebook, why would I WANT to stay in contact?

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/08

From your description of these "friends", I don't think you're the one with problems ! They're the whiny, clingy, desperate attention-seekers ; you sound like a normal introvert.
The concept of "being there" for people started as good sense - beign available when there was a GENUINE emergency or need - not being constantly blabbering to each other about trivia. Cell-phones have enabled more people to be witlessle annoying than ever before.
These are not "friends", they're flies buzzin round some newly discovwered honey. Put the lid back on the honey pot, and let thm buzz off somewhere else.

Reply to cybershrink

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