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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/09/04

Friendships

What defines a toxic relationship? Should i walk away from a 10 year friendship or should i stick around. In this 10 years we havent spoken for 2 years because he was going through marital problems and basically took it out on me and I could not handle that situation because i had my own issues. Fortunately he and his wife has now fixed their relationship problems and are happier than ever. We have only been talking again for 8 months, and I have been there in terms of being the sounding board for his issues at work. I would listen, advise him and even suggested that he and family take a break and go away which he did and he has been very relaxed. For the past 2 months I have been going through a lot of stress, and I needed to talk to my closest friend and he is not available. I have tried and tried and he is always saying he''ll call me back and he doesnt. When he was down in the dumps I was there for him and his family and now it seems like i dont deserve the same. It really is hurting me and I dont want to carry on like this. In my mind I know that I have to walk away from this friendship and never look back again and he probably wont care. My friendships are very important to me and I will try and save them as far as possible but when I realise its no longer good for me and the other person I would rather move on with my life. He is like my brother, but i feel its time to let go. He probably wont know that I have walked away because he is happy now. DOnt get me wrong after so many years of marital problems I am glad that he and his wife has sorted out their differences but i was the one listening all the time and being available for him. Now I need a friend and he is nowhere to be seen. Am i overreacting, or am i right in letting him live his life and I live mine and forget that we ever had a friendship. The other problem is that we work in the same organisation but different cities and there are times that we will have to see each other, but when i walk away there is no going back ever. I wont even acknowledge is existence.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you tried simply saying to him, in a letter or e-mail if necessary, that you're really pleased to see how muh happier and more relaxed he looks these days, and you were pleased to be able to be available and supportive when he was having more difficult times, but now you're experiencing some problems, and would appreciate a bit more interest in terms of support and advice, as a friend, from him this time ? If he doesn't respond, then maybe its time to let go, and sadly mark one up for experience, for the future.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Nerice | 2012/09/16

Thinking like that is really imrpessive

Reply to Nerice
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/09/05

Is this a male/male friendship or male/female friendship?

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/04

Have you tried simply saying to him, in a letter or e-mail if necessary, that you're really pleased to see how muh happier and more relaxed he looks these days, and you were pleased to be able to be available and supportive when he was having more difficult times, but now you're experiencing some problems, and would appreciate a bit more interest in terms of support and advice, as a friend, from him this time ? If he doesn't respond, then maybe its time to let go, and sadly mark one up for experience, for the future.

Reply to cybershrink

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