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Question
Posted by: E | 2011/07/13

Friends or what ?

Hi, I met this guy and we were just going to be friends, after two months I felt this chemistry and so did he and we have not been able to keep out hands off each other. I am divorced and so is he, I spend every weekend at his place and the sex is awesome. My friends and family want to know if I am his girlfriend, it is worrying me, I try and ask him and he often says we are chinas or buddies and it really upsets me. He is kind, generous and th things we do I am sure friends dont just do. Some days I feel like telling him I am not coming back as I dont feel comfortable with the FWB thing, he calls me pet names and we SMS and e-mail every day. Is this normal in a FWB situation. I have heard him speak to his neighbours when they ask who I am and he says I am a very good friend. Why is this bothering me so much. I have told him how I feel about him, and he says for the first time in two years he looks forward to his weekends. We have been seeing each other for 4 months. He is there for me every time I need someone. Am I beling delusional that this will develop into something more.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hmm. Feeling chemistry means you can't keep your hands off each other ? It sounds as though you are both enjoying the sex, but are not committed to any more seriously relationship. Maybe you're open to the possibility of something more ( which is why you feel bothered when he seems to feel otherwise ), but he is probably extremely satisfied with what he already has - all the benefits with none of the responsibilities of marriage. What would each of you think should you fall pregnant ?
I haven't found any international convention or law that lays down the rules for FWB. But generally, someone who is getting all the want as things are, won't want to change things.
You're not delusional, but may be highly unrealistic in expecting more.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: dw | 2011/07/13

Hi E, I have been in your situation and what I have learnt that if a guy wants you, he wants you and will make it very clear to you and everyone else. If he is not that into you, then the boundaries are very grey just in case something better comes along. Rather end it now before you get more emotionally involved.

Reply to dw
Posted by: QueenSy | 2011/07/13

Dear E, it will all fall apart once you start expecting commitment. I decided to be friends with my ex after we broke up, then he wanted us to be an item again. I said that I don''t do the FWB thing and he went bananas! Somehow, they expect us to do that and be there when they want it without any commitment. Yet, we don''t want to be the booty call all of the time, even though the sex is good. I have decided that for now I would remain celibate, but the next time around, I will be very sure of the person''s intentions before having my world shattered again by dim hopes of a true and faithful relationship. Best of luck!

Reply to QueenSy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/13

Hmm. Feeling chemistry means you can't keep your hands off each other ? It sounds as though you are both enjoying the sex, but are not committed to any more seriously relationship. Maybe you're open to the possibility of something more ( which is why you feel bothered when he seems to feel otherwise ), but he is probably extremely satisfied with what he already has - all the benefits with none of the responsibilities of marriage. What would each of you think should you fall pregnant ?
I haven't found any international convention or law that lays down the rules for FWB. But generally, someone who is getting all the want as things are, won't want to change things.
You're not delusional, but may be highly unrealistic in expecting more.

Reply to cybershrink

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