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Question
Posted by: mona | 2011/08/30

friend''s husband is cheating on her

I am really in a difficult situation and do not know what to do! my husband went for a drink with one of his best friends which then confided in him that he has been cheating on his wife for over a year! he and his wife has a 2 month old baby! The next day he suddenly denied saying anything to my husband but it is clear as daylight that he is just trying to cover for himself. He told my husband not to say anything but my hubby confided in me. I am so uncomfortable because I cannot look my friend in the eye knowing what i know...some advice would be greatly appreciated!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, if my maths is up to it, he fathered the child WHILE already cheating on his poor wife ? Its difficult for someone in your husband's position, especially when someone springs such a confidence on you - but I don't accept that it is fair for the guilty party to confess to you and then insist that you maintain confidence about his/her wrong-doing. That is a way of forcing you to become an accomplice in the wrong-doing, and that is not fair.
mikky makes sense, and I know of others who have used variations on this method. The miscreant is given a deadline to break the news to his victim ( in this case the wife ) before his confidant does so himself.
One wonders why he told your husband - was he wanting to brag, or perhaps indicating that he does feel a degree of guilt ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/09/01

It is your duty to get this information to your friend. Whether you tell her yourself or send her an unsigned note.... JUST TELL HET.
Do you want her to get AIDS? YOU HAVE TO TELL HER.
You would have expected herto tell you?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: just advice | 2011/08/30

they say some people tell truth when they are drunk, just dont be involved the truth will come out eventually....in tswana ba re le fa o ka e buila lengopeng magakabe o na a go bona.

Reply to just advice
Posted by: ? | 2011/08/30

Your Hubby was drinking - maybe he misunderstood?

Reply to ?
Posted by: Agree | 2011/08/30

Also think it was the drink speaking, do not get involved in a problem that may not exist.

Reply to Agree
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/08/30

Agree with Gogo,no actual proof except a confession with alchol involved! Stay away.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Soul | 2011/08/30

I disagree with you Chris758 she can''t hurt them the husband has already hurt them both by what his done and it''s anything but in the past.

I agree with Mikky.

Maybe you should discuss this with your hubby first so this doesn''t cause problems between you and then set a course of action.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011/08/30

I so agree with Gogo.....you can hurt them so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it might pass and no harm done. He will most probably stop now that baby is there!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Gogo | 2011/08/30

Stay away from it

Reply to Gogo
Posted by: mikky | 2011/08/30

Go to the friend and give him a deadline to come clean to his wife. If not, you will then tell her.

I know he will deny ever saying anything but then you can give that part of the story to his wife too. Just that she should know he said this to your husband and then denied ever saying anything and then asked you not to say anything to her. Let her then confront him.

Reply to mikky
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/30

So, if my maths is up to it, he fathered the child WHILE already cheating on his poor wife ? Its difficult for someone in your husband's position, especially when someone springs such a confidence on you - but I don't accept that it is fair for the guilty party to confess to you and then insist that you maintain confidence about his/her wrong-doing. That is a way of forcing you to become an accomplice in the wrong-doing, and that is not fair.
mikky makes sense, and I know of others who have used variations on this method. The miscreant is given a deadline to break the news to his victim ( in this case the wife ) before his confidant does so himself.
One wonders why he told your husband - was he wanting to brag, or perhaps indicating that he does feel a degree of guilt ?

Reply to cybershrink

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