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Question
Posted by: Chocolate | 2009-04-29

Friends can be lovers but can lovers be friends

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I trust him thus far and believe that he has been faithful to me throughout our time together.
However he has a reputation for being a philanderer. Before we got together he had never been faithful to any of his girlfriends. He told me he
made a decision before he met me to get his life straight and to stop cheating and sleeping around. This is great and I though we spend almost every single nigth together
we don' t live together but there has been no reason for me to doubt his faithfulness.
The problem is we always fight about his female friends. Though I know there is nothing wrong with him having female friends I have a problem with him going over to their place for dinners at
night alone. The reason being is that alot of the girls he cheated on his ex' s with were friends. Alot of the girls he slept with have now become his friends. Bottom line is he has a sexual history with most
of these females. He says it is in the past and they are over that and are now just friends but I am not happy. We fought because one of them came down from Cape Town and wanted to meet with him for drinks,
He told me this particular one he had told about me but when she called when i was with him, she was shocked to hear that he had a girlfriend. So then when he said he was going to meet her for a drink I asked,
if I could come too and meet her and he totally refused. Even his platonic friends he meets up without me insisting that they want to catch up which is why I can' t go with.
Then there is the issue with ex bootycalls who a year into our relationship still email, call or sms to invite him over to sleep with them for a weekend. He tells me about these incidents but never shows me the messages and he tells me he does not respond. He says they do this out of the blue and that he has had no contact with them throughout our relationship and he does not respond to them. When i asked why
he does not tell them to refrain from contacting him with these requests he says he feels it' s best to ignore them. He says they send these messages because of his past but are there really people out there who you have not been in contact with that will after a whole year contact you with these requests? It doesn' t make sence to me.
Right, so having said all that my question is: Where do you draw the line with regards to " friends"  of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship? Even if these meetings are totally innocent is there no boundary when it comes to respect for your partner in these cases? I know we come from totally different worlds am faithful in all my past relationships as a principle, but surely we can find common ground.

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Our expert says:
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If he is in a truly committed relatonship with you, he should not be having frequent dinner dates alone with other women. If they are genuinely :just friends" then why can't he take you with him, to these dinners ? That'd be friendly. And for previous lovers to keep inviting him for the weekend is not in any way resembling a sincere relationship between him and you. He should change his contact numbers so that they canot do this. If these meetings were indeed entirely inmnocent, there would be no reason for him not to take you along. OK, you might be bored at times if they were chatting about a past you weren't part of , but that need not be a problem. Otherwise one must assume that he is playing you, and you are allowing him to do so.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-29

oh ma word galfrnd
don tell me u cant c this one
he definately is playing you
theren are no common grounds to be reached here gal come on now
move on

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Get real ! | 2009-04-29

I agree totally with the comments. Catch a wake up, you are being led around by the nose babe, that creep has got your number good and proper and he is rubbing your face in it ! Try to recover what little self respect you may still have and dump the creep !

Reply to Get real !
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-04-29

OMG!Major Player Alert!
You must be blind to not see this...or just want to believe that he has changed into Mr.Faithfull
Those are all signs which you refuse to see-take the blinkers off girl and see the light.
PLEASE!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: :) | 2009-04-29

Either you are fool, ignorant and for some odd reason you are allowing yourself to be played. ???
A man will treat you they way you want him to treat you. Why do you want to be treated this way. Girlfriend, up your standards PLS

Reply to :)

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