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Question
Posted by: Johan | 2011/10/18

Friends

Why is it so difficult to have female friends. All i want is friendship, someone to chat to, maybe once in a while go for coffee, thats all. I am a professional well respected gentlemen.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sure you are a gentleman, or this wouldn't bother you much. Some women might welcome what you seek, though maybe more those you might meet through work, through hobbies and similar activities where you meet a range of people with shared interests. Individually, I think many women ( and more than a few men ) have had bad experiences of people who claimed to want only a friendship and then demanded a great deal more

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shoes | 2011/10/20

Hi J,

Yes, I do agree, society does need to change. We are so busy watching American soap operas, where a couple will go for coffee, then they end up in bed......... Hello, we do not need to be brain washed by this trash!

I grew up with a lot of guy friends and I would have loved to stay in contact with them, but it is frowned upon. Nothing happened and nothing will happen if we meet up again. They were purely platonic relationships and always will be. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, with 2 beautiful kids, why would I want to throw that away for a night of passion?!?

Oh well, I''ll drink a cappuccino to us liberal people!

Bye,

S

Reply to Shoes
Posted by: Johan | 2011/10/19

Shoes, dont you agree that society needs to change thier perceptions.

Reply to Johan
Posted by: Shoes | 2011/10/19

Hi Johan,

I am with you on this. Society frowns upon male and female friendships. If you are married and are seen having coffee with someone other than your spouse, the rumours fly. Or the other way around. I personally do not see anything wrong with it. If the marriage is stable, then there is nothing to be suspicious about. Besides, couples need ''me time'' which could include having coffee with someone else.

I wish it could be different, but for now, we have to make do with having friends of the same gender only. Jammer!

Reply to Shoes
Posted by: Johan | 2011/10/18

MJ - all i want is friendship nothing more.

Reply to Johan
Posted by: MJ | 2011/10/18

Hi Johan,

i know its really hard. but i guess its also the way you approach it. try and befriend woman who are already in your friend circle so you dont seem as much of a threat. but make sure you dont step on toes though. woman generally do feel that men cant befriend them without expecting more, i do however have male friends, they are happily married and i have also befriended their wives, they know i am not a threat and i make sure i dont ever over step any bondaries. dont ask for too much at first, be patient and at the end of the day, just be yourself.

best of luck.

Reply to MJ
Posted by: Johan | 2011/10/18

I guess i have to live with it then, that i will never have any female friends.

Reply to Johan
Posted by: Romany | 2011/10/18

Yes, you are correct Johan. I think it is because people always assume that a man and a woman automatically " have something going on" if they are seen together.
I am married too so I understand what Nonni means. I do however have a couple of gay male friends and somehow this just works.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Johan | 2011/10/18

I do understand and agree with waht you are saying Nonni

Reply to Johan
Posted by: Johan | 2011/10/18

All i want is friendship Q - NOTHING more.

Reply to Johan
Posted by: Nonni | 2011/10/18

If I werent happily married, and this scenario would definitely rattle my significant other, I would volunteer. I love having friends, the more the merrier. But the significant others dont always understand this and in the greater scheme of things, we need to decide what is more important. A friendship, or a relationship? Well, that is what is coming up for me in any case. I would not put my marraige in jeopardy for a friendship, and maybe that is the way other ladies also maybe look at the situation.

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: Q | 2011/10/18

Call me anytime for a chart babes. The problem with man is they always expect more out of friendships and they ruin everything

Reply to Q
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/18

I'm sure you are a gentleman, or this wouldn't bother you much. Some women might welcome what you seek, though maybe more those you might meet through work, through hobbies and similar activities where you meet a range of people with shared interests. Individually, I think many women ( and more than a few men ) have had bad experiences of people who claimed to want only a friendship and then demanded a great deal more

Reply to cybershrink

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