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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011-03-24

Friends

I do not have a big circle of friends and I do not form close bonds with people very easily. I have always been an introvert and I do not like sharing my emotions with people but I am comfortable with that as it is who I am. I get uncomfortable when people think it is not normal to have a large group of friends and to not be going out and socializing all the time. I really battle to socialize so I would prefer to stay in my comfort zone. I am close to only two people, my husband and sister and I mostly spend time with family. Seldom I''ll meet a friend for a chat but its small talk and I enjoy it. My husband and I have a small circle of friends and we meet up once in a while for a dinner and always have a good time. We mostly spend time with our families. I don''t know if it is ok to not really have too many close friends. Looking at other people it would seem I am a hermit and then I cannot help but to think I am not normal.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some of us are like that. And thaty's fine. Most of those who brag of their large circle of "friends" don't actually have many true friends, amd similarly those who feel they have to be constantly socializing and going out somewhere. Why should you make yourself uncomfortable just to meet the expectations of some rather shallow folks who like to dart around all the time ?
I actually doubt that you have any fewer "real friends" than those who think they have so many.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Takealookaround | 2011-03-24

Normal? LOL have you taken a look around? Normal is a myth!

Take a long hard look, its funny and strange but alot of people who have lots of friends and are outward much are often pretty shallow people, maybe im making a big generalization but seems to me you can count on one hand the number of real friends anyone really has. Real friends, not good times only friends.

Another dimension to observe is the quality of the friendships and relationships. Quantity aint always quality.

Reply to Takealookaround
Posted by: Romany | 2011-03-24

HI Anon, no you are not the exception.
It is obvious that you are comfortable with the people close to you and that is a good thing.
" Friends"  can hurt you in a big way as they are normally the people that know most things about you. From there the saying, best frends make worst enemies.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Maria | 2011-03-24

Deep, meaningful relationships take time and effort. Nobody has the time to build and maintain that level of friendship with a large number of people, they just fool themselves if they think they do. If you are content with your life then why worry about the way other people live theirs? However if you feel that you have a need for more friends but don''t know how to go about acquiring them, maybe consider some counselling?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Helper | 2011-03-24

Hi Anon. No, there is nothing wrong with your attitude acccording to my own situation. I too only have a small circle of what I could consider close friends and they are really friends and not just aquaintances. Many people seem to boast a huge circle of friends but in reality they are aquaintances at most. If you have the type of personality that needs to be surrounded by friends you have to work at it. You have to go out of your way to be with them, invite them around for meals, take them out to entertainment venues, invite them to family functions, phone them regularly etc. Eventually you will secure their friendship, not just because you have entertained them, but in doing so you build up a relationship. Now for me I could not make that effort. The friends I have became my friends over time and followed a natural progression. So I say, enjoy you small circle and stay true to who you are.

Reply to Helper
Posted by: chill | 2011-03-24

You''re ok. Normal. if you happy exactly the way you are then why worry?
Not like some people with 100''s of their ''closets'' friends, most of which are NOT authentic.
At least you know you have REAL friendships and not just many meaningless ''associations''.
Enjoy

Reply to chill
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-03-24

Some of us are like that. And thaty's fine. Most of those who brag of their large circle of "friends" don't actually have many true friends, amd similarly those who feel they have to be constantly socializing and going out somewhere. Why should you make yourself uncomfortable just to meet the expectations of some rather shallow folks who like to dart around all the time ?
I actually doubt that you have any fewer "real friends" than those who think they have so many.

Reply to cybershrink

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