Posted by: Ahole | 2009-06-28


Hi Doc, I have worked myself out of marriage and out of friends. At 48 I find myself on my own. I do have a child that was crippled in 2000 in a car accident. He is 11. My mother had gaping ulcers on her legs when I was young and her depression and my dads fighting took a toll. I had to feed my dads birds(130 cages) from grade 3 on. Inevitably some died and I bore the brunt of his subsequent anger. Holidays I worked myself to a standstill on his sites.
Lately I have eaten out with 1 so called friend and 2 of my lawyers - each one of them wanted to borrow R100 000 minimum from me. Now I want nothing more to do with them.
Add to this acne scarring on my face.
As a result of this I am starting to hate people. I am good for the money but who invites me to go and eat with them or watch rugby with them? Nobody. I have reached a point of desperation and do not know what to do. My ex-wife always told me what a low life I was. You try and provide and have degrees behind your name but in vain. I stay in a big house in an equestrian estate but fear the evenings of loneliness. Surely there is more to life than this. I fear for my child as I do not know how I am going to help and motivate him because of how he will feel about his disablities.

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Our expert says:
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You've had a tough and discouraging life. It's understandable that you have doubts about "people" having met some rather lousy specimens. But fortunately, they actually are not all like that. I've treated a few millionaires over the years, and all found one of their problems was that it was hard for them to know whether someone was genuine and liked them, or whether the person was after their money. Fortunately, that's a problem I've never had, but I do understand it. It is often helped by meeting people who do NOT know who myou are, and at least don't know your bank balance. For instance, if you volunteered to help ( using your basic skills and whatever your special skills are based on your life experience ) to help others in charities or NGO's, you'd have the satisfaction of knowing you were doing good work, you'd meet a nicer bunch of people, and people who don't get into that sort of workingexpecting to meet the rich !
There is indeed more in life than this, but one needs to move beyond the things and stuff one owns, and look into what you as an individual can contribute towards other worthy people, and simply stay away from the unworthy as far as possible. Why allow yourself to care about your ex-wife's opinions of you ? Isn't she somewhat biased ? And working with other good people, like yourself rather than the hangers-on, you could become more of the sort of dad your son could become proud of, and more usefully aware of how the disabled are "abled" in other ways worth respect.

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