Posted by: Kelly | 2009-03-27


Hi Cs

Just a little something I want to know.
Reading a re a 9yr frndshp and thinking to myself.
At the moment I don' t really have any close frnds but its rather cool when u hear of ppl being frnds for like forever.
I had close frnds in prim.& school and don' t really make an effort and there' s other things going on in your life.
Years go on you meet new ppl, other frnds but my problem is that I don' t know if im just being weird but I don' t like frnds to crowd my space and spend entire days with me or sleep over for more than 1 night then I just get agitated with them.While others totally love it and just can' t do without this type of thing...

Then your get to know ppl better and its always disappointing to me ... when you really get to know ppl.You could be thinking you have this great frndshp and stuff but then its like they either take advantage, they become out of hand or they think they can just be ' too honest'  with negative comments that you should just keep to urself.They get jealous, show off in front of your other frnds, show off in front of ur bf or do things to look better than you infrnt of other fnds b/f.
I don' t know , its just strange the way ppl are and how they can change.

My bf asked me now the day why I don' t have any gf' s, well I do, did until they got serious bf' s and there are those that iv just written off.Lets say I don' t have any close ones anymore altho I have others in my life that when I see you I see you if I don' t I don' t.
He says that perhaps it is because I cannot get along with other girls...
This because I don' t want to hang out with his frnds gf' s.Its not that I don' t want to but I don' t like the fact that they gossip about ea.other and I don' t want to get into all of that so I just prefer to avoid them all and even his frnds.
Which in turn causes problems between us because he loves hanging out with his frnds.

So is their something wrong with me and the way I go about things as he seems to think or am I just normal???

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Our expert says:
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We're diferent, as people. And wouldn't life be much duller if we were not. Some like people being physically close, some of us enjoy more distance even from loved ones ; some are very touchy-feely, some not. Some have loads of acquaintances, some just a few friends. Friendships are harder to maintain than in the days when most people lived and worked their lives close to where they went to school. And I think Facebook, etc, promote false and fake friendships, maintaining the illusion of contact without any real substance. He shouldn't make the mistake of assuming that you must love things or people just because he does --- if you were passionate about knitting, scrapbooking and netball, would he be keen to take up these activities ? He must love you as you are, not in some reconstructed form.
Sometimes you find it disillusioning to get to know people, because they are not what they seem ; sometimes it's because we pehaps expect too much from them. Some people are so shallow it's really boring to hang out with them.
If you're happy the way you are, that's a good way to be
The Constitution doesn't specify how many friends you have to have

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Tina | 2009-03-31

I know where you are coming from.I have3 friends. In believe that quality is better than quantity.
i had a "  friend"  that i had known all my life.
She taught me everything even potty trained me.
my mom was a domestic worker to her parents.
a few years after my mom had stopped working for her parents we still remained close.
the last time i saw her was in 2005 at her sisters wedding. she has moved down to durbs so it was good to see her again.

But then she called less and less,i would make a effort and try to call her but she would not answer. i left her numerous messages even remembered her sons birthday but shestill did not get back to me.
Lastr year mom passed away and i finally got ahold of her.
i was shocked when she told me she had gotten married &  did not even invite me.
She has not called me to this day.not even to ask me how im coping.
My point is ,its better to have 1 or 2 friends who will really love and cherish you,than a huge group of hangers on who wiil leave you when days are dark.
good luck

Reply to Tina
Posted by: I know | 2009-03-27

I feel as though I have written this. I know exactly what you are talking about. Actually I was thinking about this the other day I was actually going to post something just like this but I didn' t bother.

I' m 23 years old, female

I have a wide circle of friend of men and women but none of which are close friends of mine. I chat to one of my gf' s on mxit now and again but we never really meet up for coffee or whatever but we will braai at her house with other friends. She does have other close friends where she does all those girly things with. Me on the other hand I hate shopping with another girl. I like to think of it as " me time"  when I go out shopping or to spoil myself a bit, whatever it is. Girls don' t ask me to come party with them but all of us as a big group of friends, men and women get together all the time but I don' t have a close best friend. I' ve never had one before.

I also think to myself when my bf is going to aske why don' t I have any female friends, you know.

My whole life has been difficult making friends I guess. I do love my own company now and again. I' m sure we all do. I don' t like to think of myself as selfish either when I like my own time.

Reply to I know
Posted by: Carmen | 2009-03-27

Nope nothing wrong with you! i am exactly the same! i have two very close friends, one lives in the UK and we chat twice a week on facebook, the other lives 5mins from me and i will maybe see her once a week for a glass of wine. My husband always says i am weird cos i dont have lots of friends like he does but my reply is i dont need loads and loads of people in my life and i am happy with the two friends i have! I am also a private person so dont really like people knowing all my personal stuff! there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, i have 3 gorgeous dogs at home who are more loyal and loving than any friend could ever be. If it bothers other people including my husband then thats their problem, not mine, i am very happy the way i am. I also dont " make"  friends that easily, you gotta be somethign special for me to take you as a true friend. hope you feel better!

Reply to Carmen

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