Posted by: Gatvol | 2009-01-23

Friend making a pest of himself!!!

This is a longish story, but I' ll keep it as short as possible - I also need to switch to Afrikaans to get my point accross, hope you' re ok with that...

Ek en my vriend van skool (al 20 jaar vriende) is albei getroud. Ek baie gelukkiger as hy. Ek en my man, en hy en sy vrou kuier ' n hond uit ' n bos uit. Hulle is ons beste vriende en hou nie " juis"  geheime vir mekaar nie. MAAR my vriend maak die lewe nou vir my baie moeilik.

Hy het met my gedeel dat hy vele verhoudings met ander vroue het. Ek is geirriteerd met hom, want sy vrou verdien nie sulke behandeling nie. Hy het nou al ' n hele ruk terug een aand toe ons gedrink het, my sommer gesoen. Ek het vir hom gese dis onaanvaarbaar en dit moenie weer gebeur nie, ander sal ons nie meer daar gaan kuier nie. Natuurlik het ek niks vir my man oor dit gesê  nie.

My probleem is: Ek het nou al omtrent ' n duisend maal vir hom gesê  hy is verkeerd en ek wil nie ' n verhouding met hom hê  nie, maar die drol hou nie op nie.

Hy e-pos gedurig vir my onder-die-belt goed (by die werk!!!) en ek voel gemanipuleerd en WEIER om in te gee.

Daar is nie ' n manier wat ek sy vrou hierby sal betrek nie. Ek het haar baie lief as ' n vriendin en heg groot waarde aan ons vriendskap. Ek het my man vertel dat die ou ander verhoudings het, hy' t gesê  ek moet daaruit bly.

Wat kan ek doen sodat hierdie verpestelike ou nou ophou met sy attensies. Ek en hy kom al ' n lang pad saam, en hy is besig om droog te maak. Ek wil ' n vriendin vir hulle altwee wees. Ek is lief vir hom ook - net nie so lief dat ek sy " hou-vrou"  gaan wees nie.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So he told you a story about his serial infidelity he knew would bother you and which you would not feel able to discuss with his wife ; then kisssed you and started another troubling theme, he assumed you wouldnt tell your husband --- so he constructed a very uncomfortable set of traps, for you. You re being manipulated in many ways --- this is not a nice man at all !
Lets see what other readers suggest here ( maybe they'll pile in after the weekend ). Why do you want to stay a friend with such an unpleasant man, who has proved he has no respect for women or marriage ? Doesn't his wife deserve to know ( especially as he may be exposing her to a risk of HIV/AIDS ) ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: southernwrite | 2009-01-26

Warn him to back off else you will tell hubby that he is putting the make on u - if persists than tell hubby that he sending u mail and that he should have a word with him or have you company in some way send him an warning mail that he is infringing on their time and personnel -

Reply to southernwrite
Posted by: Gatvol | 2009-01-26

Dear all, thank you very much for your useful advise. The shrink makes alot of sense here. " Why would I want to be friends with such an excuse of a person?"  He obviously doesn' t care about me or my marriage. He' s out to destroy a lot of peoples futures including HIS children.

I do feel like a two faced rat with my friend, but previously another one of her friends told her that her husband is unfaithfull - they had a huge fight about it - and they no longer talk to each other - for almost 2 years now. The thing is that the person who tries to help are always the " baddie"  cause the husband lies his way around to get back in her good books.

I' ve made my decision and I will not visit there anymore - I will think of a reason to tell my husband WHY, but I' m simply going to tell him that I don' t want to be involved with them because they have marital problems that might rub off on our marriage. Finish &  klaar.

Reply to Gatvol
Posted by: Some friend ! | 2009-01-26

An awkward one for sure ! Pity he has to ruin what seems to be a wonderful friendship. I would have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him exactly how you feel and the consequences if he does not stop his nonsense immediately, that being a) you telling your husband b) you telling his wife and c) ending the friendship. I just wonder if he is telling you the truth about all his affairs, or is that just a load of bull to perhaps impress you with the fact that he is a big lover ? You would have soime indication if this was true or not. He sounds like a silly little boy, treat him like one. If you don' t come right, break off the friendship, your happiness is worth a lot more. Good luck

Reply to Some friend !
Posted by: Tilly | 2009-01-24

A true friend will tell her friend the truth about what her husband is doing behind her back! What if you keep quiet and your friend gets some awful sexual disease that could cost her her life and you' ve known all along of the risky lifestyle her husband lived, how would you feel about that?
No! A true friend will tell a friend whats going on! That way Mr Pest will be stopped and your friend can at least protect herself!

Reply to Tilly

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