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Question
Posted by: kazbar | 2010/01/06

Friend - long one

I have a friend that is very dear to me, we were involved for a time and after many hassles etc we are trying to maintain a friendship and while hard at times we are trying
my problem is that i am very worried about him, he lies all the time that i don' t think he can even remember what he lies about, sometimes it is little things like he will tell me he broke his laptop drunk one night and then next time says his daughter dropped it, he has said he' s a bad man and lies alot but this is erratic and bad....... he told me he loves me but had no worries telling me he would never offer me anything, he told me he had a vasectomy but when together actually came to me and told me he thinks i' m pregnant and he hopes so........ now his girlfriend has just broken up with him, she found out we had been involved and he said only a drunken kiss so when she asked me i was honest as i hate lies (biggest reason we ever ever fought and still do) and after we chatted it seems we all were told the same line about love and babies and past woman only being friends in love and obsessed over him
now he has told me his mother died and i don' t know if i should believe it - he lives away from home and has still not made any plans to fly home for a funeral or anything, he did once say a friend died and in july mentioned he had seen her
i am very worried about him, i think he has a serious problem and feel he lies to detach himself emotionally from bad things or bad times he is experiencing and i don' t know how to help him.... he drinks way too much too and then is emotional as hell
please advise if it is possible to help someone like this and what may be wrong with him besides the obvious that maybe he is just a bad person

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I ca't help wondering why you seem to have been working so hard to maintain a relationship with a person sch as you describe ? As he appears to be a persistent liar, maybe even a pathological liar, you cannot rely on him or what he says.
Maybe he has some serious psych problems, but unless and until HE recognizes this and sincerely seeks help for himself, he cannot be helped. And for him to have someone enabling him to remain the way he is, by forgiving him or excusing him for all his lies, makes the matter worse, not better.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Alex | 2010/01/06

Why bother?
I truly doubt you could help a person like this.
Anways he cheated on you, lied to you over and over again but you the one left feeling sorry for him lol!
Think about it, isnt this another of his sick doings.
Dont feel sorry for him, move on and forget him, he is not your friend, never was and never will be.

Reply to Alex
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/06

I ca't help wondering why you seem to have been working so hard to maintain a relationship with a person sch as you describe ? As he appears to be a persistent liar, maybe even a pathological liar, you cannot rely on him or what he says.
Maybe he has some serious psych problems, but unless and until HE recognizes this and sincerely seeks help for himself, he cannot be helped. And for him to have someone enabling him to remain the way he is, by forgiving him or excusing him for all his lies, makes the matter worse, not better.

Reply to cybershrink

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