Our expert says:
Nice people like you often make the mistake of making someone else's problems their own. This bf's bf sounds like an utter heel, a cheater uncaring about her suffering psychologically or the risks of HIV and other STD he brings to her. He not only cheats but is blatant enough to leave her in no doubt about what he is doing. But this is HER problem, not yours. SHe should probably leave him, and get a maintenance court order for him to pay maintenance for their child, too.
If you search the web you'll find that many studies have found what you are observing --- it is a continuing puzzle why abused women stay with their abuser, and return to him even if they leave. They need therapy to regain self-esteem and self-sufficiency. You can encourage her to get counselling and therapy if available, and the rest HAS to be done by her and cannot be done by you
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