Posted by: Ruby | 2008-11-03

Friend dieing...

Hello CyberShrink,
Just need some advice please if you have any... A friend of mine is dieing from cancer. She is 32. The doctors gave up a few weeks ago. She is now at home and just taking morphine for the pain. She sleeps 90% of the time and even when she is awake, she is very confused and tired. Her husband said that they are just trying to keep her comfortable now. Just wanna know what can I do to help her... what would be most important for someone to know if they are dieing? Just that she have friends who love her? I will visit her tomorrow and was just wondering if you can give me any advice? thanks very much!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is always sustaining and valuable to know that you have people who love you, and always will love you. Check whether you have a local Hospice program which could help with some home nursing ( as, in some areas, can the Cancer Association ) and can also help with some support of the family.
As for conversations with some one that seriously ill, it is on the one hand important to be ready to talk about their mortaility IF and only if and when they wish to, without scaring them off from that possibility by looking so scared about it oneself ; and ALSO, to leave that topic aside if they wish to do so, and provide an opportunity for some calm chat about ordinary things, as it may be important for them to also be able to feel ordinary and to recall ordinary issues of life. Take the lead from them and what they need and want.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Ruby | 2008-11-03

Hey Uncertain,
Thanks for your post, it is really helpful :-)
Sorry about your friend! You must not be hard on yourself, this was circumstances out of your control :-) Its not really only the last few moments that count, but also your friendship during her life and I am sure she appreciated it very much :-)
Thanks for your advice, R

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: uncertain | 2008-11-03

I had a friend who passed away from cancer when she was 30. She was a single mom with an 8 year old boy.

I was pregnant with my 2nd son when she fell ill and I gave birth shortly before she passed away. I was unable to drive and I didn' t manage to see her. I still feel terrible about that to this day.

Share your feelings of support, love and caring. She kept saying she just wanted to have conversation that made her feel more normal and that she just wanted to talk about her own feelings without feeling like she was hurting someone else.

Reply to uncertain

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