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Question
Posted by: Malone | 2012/09/14

Friend can''t leave bf

I don''t understand. They have not had sex in 6 months, he treats her like shit, tells her she is a bad mother and just breaks her down. Some Friday nights he doesn''t sleep at home. He lies about where he is. He drinks at a bottlestore every weekend, she hardly sees him. Weekends she is always at the end of everything and she is going to throw him out. In the week she''s quiet then it seems he sucks up. He doesnt contribute he hardly gives his share of the rent.

He is a sponger and a looser that has nothing and never will. We can all see it. He hurts her. Every week she looks forward to the weekend and then the weekend is a disaster. She has thrown him out, dropped his clothes with his father and within days he is back again. She changes locks etc and he''s back within days.

This has been going on for years and years (i''ve known her just over 2 years) and i dont know how long before. He has even cheated on her and left her for an older woman, when this put him back on a plane he crawled his way back in.

She is a beautiful young 32 year old woman, stunning, clever you name it. She has her whole future ahead of her.

I am getting to a point where i think its best to break the friendship because i just cannot handle this rollercoaster. How much can one say do this do that, come over, im sorry he is doing this, yes he is a -|- . etc etc etc before its just too much work?

I say repeatedly - we have been through this - remember i told you? I''ve even sent her emails from a year ago to say - look you where here before.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes indeed, he sounds like the perfect guy NOT to have any sort of relationship with. But many people let themselves have a relationship NOT with the awful guy he actually is, but with the terrific guy they delude themselves into thinking he will become. And of coruse he wont.
Encourage her to see a professional psychologist or counsellor to work on enhancing her self-respect, and be an encouraging friend and don;t try to be a therapist. Or otherwise just tell her, you care about her and would like to see her respect herself enough to move on, leave the loser and find someone she actually deserves ; but that its too painful to meep on meeting with her while she ignores all kind advice and insists on carrying on with someone who will repeatedly hurt her. Say you can't face continuing to be involved with her while she maintains this relationship, but weill be pleased to hear from her again when she has genuinely moved on

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bruce | 2012/10/03

@ Pat

Why don''t you just STFU?
Our relationship is our business, and our business only.
I don''t give a sh!t about my wife, she can''t even make breakfast in bed...

Reply to Bruce
Posted by: pat | 2012/09/28

@Bruce u r a coward ,why not tell her that u don''t love her anymore ? is it that difficult ? i hope she will now move on because she knows the truth.

Reply to pat
Posted by: Jason | 2012/09/26

@ Bruce

Seriously, Go Fu< K yourself. Don''t talk your personal K@K here on live forums. There is better things to do out there in the world, like drinking a beer with the boys.
Fu< k you and Fu< K the wife, who needs them anyway?

Reply to Jason
Posted by: Bruce | 2012/09/20

I HAVE HEARD ALL YOUR ADVISE, I KNOW I HAVE BEEN A JERK, BUT, SHE SHOULD READ BETWEEN THE LINES THAT I DON''T LOVE HER ANYMORE. I AM STILL IN THIS BECAUSE OF WHAT I GETS FROM HER. SORRY BABY, BUT THAT''S THE TRUTH.

Reply to Bruce
Posted by: Katza | 2012/09/20

Same situation being repeated again and again..Tough love to you friend....she will come around and officially leave the " bf"  & mdash  hopefully or she will loose all her friends slowly...

Reply to Katza
Posted by: teekay m | 2012/09/20

Bruce you are a looser and a piece of work, you are a coward if you arent why dont you beat men your age HUH you are afraid coz they will beat the hell out of you. you are stupid very stupid I wonder if you went to school. real men know how to take care of their women, you are just a boy you need to grow up. Ladie I know what I am talking about I was once in a similar situation for two years until one lady opened my eyes. Now I am happily married to a man who knows what a woman needs.

Reply to teekay m
Posted by: pat | 2012/09/20

@Poddle what exactly are still doing with that looser?waiting for HIV?or angels to come and rescue u from a bad dream?Girl u need to stand up and move on and you can be very happy without this man in ur life.8 years is very long i that kind of a relationship.I dumped my ex boyfriend on the spot when he cheated on me i told him to continue with his other girlfriend as i would not settle for second best and i found myself the best man ever.Once u 4give a man 4 cheating ,he will always cheat on u because u gave him a platform.

Reply to pat
Posted by: MPHO | 2012/09/20

That an abuse.that woman is just suffering her self for no reason it time to go away from that man,since your explained that she clever,beautiful and having a brighter future according to me she need nothing much but only to love her self....they are most caring bf/man out there waiting for her to get out of that abusive relationship.

Reply to MPHO
Posted by: pat | 2012/09/20

@Bruce i am a happily married women and believe u me i know what i am talking about because i am married to the most wonderful man,a loving and caring husband , responsible for all his actions and always there when i need him,doesn''t disappear for days or goes on drinking sprees and then he is broke after that and doesn''t have money for rent.I know what love is as i am experiencing it in my life.

Reply to pat
Posted by: Poddle | 2012/09/20

Ey Guys, some guys are selfish and they cant even help it. im in a similar situation myself, ths guy cheated and stayed with ths gal in his house, we have been going out for 8 years now got two kids and the girlfriend gave birth ths year january by the same guy. i guess your friend is fooled by love if its love, i dont even know why im still in that relationship myself. one da she will get tired and move onn you will see.

Reply to Poddle
Posted by: Dude | 2012/09/20

Hey Bruce you have admit it bra I dont know whats your problem in the relationship is better to talk about it. if you not happy in that relationship move out rather than calling other peoples counseler.i guess she is a beautiful lady and she deserves better in life. Think about it braaaaaa. in life you realise u have good thing until u lost it and tou will be sorry

Kind Regards

Reply to Dude
Posted by: BRUCE | 2012/09/20

@ PAT, PLEASE GET OF MY CASE AND SOLVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS . ARE YOU CAMPAIGNING FOR HER? GO ON. I EVEN DOUBT YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ABOUT. FIND YOURSELF A WIFE TOO MR COUNSELOR. LEAVE ME ALONE I''M AN ADULT AND CAN SORT OUR PROBLEMS OUT. PLEASE BUG OFF DUDE!

Reply to BRUCE
Posted by: pat | 2012/09/20

@Bruce.Is she really lying or ur trying to defend urself?I believe i am not foolish i know what i am talking about bcoz i know u and everything u r doing to that poor lady.I pray everyday that she finds strength to move on and get herself a loving and caring man who will respect ,love and always be there for her when she needs him.

Please stop typing in upper case.....

Reply to pat
Posted by: Ma_Z | 2012/09/20

Hi Guys,Malone i feel ur frustration about ur friend but what i can tell you she needs ur support.i''m going thru exactly what she is going thru mine is even worse because i get beat up by this monster man.i beleive she knows what she must do,she just needs a good friend like u to keep preaching 2 her.she will get it finally.unfortunately for me i have no one to confide in,i''m alone and it hurts.but ive resorted to silence and living my own live separetely even if he''s around.even he starts calling me names,insulting and threatning i keep quite.he gets tired and go.tell ur friend she musnt let him get under her skin,the looser wont go for sure but she must always keep her head out the sand.

Reply to Ma_Z
Posted by: Bruce | 2012/09/20

PAT, DON''T BE FOOLISH. WHY DOES SHE TALK OUR PERSONAL ISSUES ON THE MEDIA? WHY DOESN''T SHE CORRECT ME IN A CARING WAY? BY THE WAY THE WHOLE STORY IS NOT TRUE. WE DO HAVE ISSUES BUT NOT THE WAY SHE HAS PUT IT. NEXT TIME PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. I WILL REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU JUST DO THAT.

Reply to Bruce
Posted by: pat | 2012/09/20

U R Just stupid , u don''t deserve to be loved by any women.What do u have to say to defend urself.Tell us if she is lying or not.what kind of a man r u.loving ,caring , supportive or anything good?

Reply to pat
Posted by: BRUCE | 2012/09/20

I''M THE MAN SHE IS TALKING ABOUT. SHE IS VERY FOOLISH TO TALK LIKE THIS ABOUT ME.

Reply to BRUCE
Posted by: sam | 2012/09/20

I know that this kind of relationship ends in death, anyway its up to her to stay, if i were to advice i would say she should leave that relationship. One thing she will end doing will be to kill her, there are lot of women crowded in jail for killing those kind of partners. By leaving she will safe herself from danger than wait to either be killed or kill him.

Reply to sam
Posted by: Wizzzy | 2012/09/20

She must just take karate lessons beat the heck out of this stupid guy nxa!

Reply to Wizzzy
Posted by: Incognito | 2012/09/20

I''ve been in the same situation, going out with a girl for what feels like forever, yet she still thinks of you as a ''friend''.

I think you are on the correct course by taking charge and becoming the Alpha male, however, be careful of her ''satellite friend'' who most likely be jealous and try to make waves between you.

My suggestion is to get a wingman for this satellite, once her carnal needs are met, she''ll leave you alone.

Reply to Incognito
Posted by: Pees Poos | 2012/09/20

@ Malone

Tell your friend to kick teh man in his chop. He is a real D00S in my opinion. There is nice guys out there who can''t find a girl because most of the girls go for these F@ckin bastards.

Reply to Pees Poos
Posted by: Been There | 2012/09/17

Hi i''ve been in that exact same situation, only thing is my ex cheated on me all the time, i''m sure he is doing the same to your friend. He would also go out on binges and then come back to me on weekdays. Eventually it took all my strength to kick him out even then he tormented me. I eventually got a restraining order for him to stay away from me. Men like that never change, i''ve heard from friends that he is still the same nasty piece of work. When I look back I can''t understand why I stayed with such a jerk. When I left him the world opened up to me. Your friend can only make this descision, no amount of advice from you will make her leave that pig, she has to do it on her own. I hope for her own sake she leaves him or he will suck her dry emotionally.

Today I am married to the most wonderful man ever, he treats me with respect and compliments me every day and all my respect for men has returned.

Reply to Been There
Posted by: Poppy | 2012/09/17

It is tuff sometimes to live without the help of a man. But if he do it for his own benefit. No,no, no. Tuff Love. Let go

Reply to Poppy
Posted by: J. | 2012/09/17

I know this routine, trying to help, trying to be there for someone, and they just will not, or can not get it. This happened to me with a relative.

It got so bad that I refused to talk about him. If she wanted to go for coffee, great, we went, but she knew not to bring up his name, mention him, moan about him, because she knew where i stood. I did not want to listen, I said what I thought, gave my opinion and left it at that. You will not believe how much better you feel. You can enjoy the relationship without the stress. Make sure to let her know, that when SHE is ready to help herself, you will always be there for her, and leave it at that. She is an adult after all, time to treat her like one.

I believe that women that stay in abusive relationships get some sort of kick out of it. Either they believe that they are not good enough, maybe they believe that they deserve being treated badly, who knows. All I know is that you ALWAYS have a choice, and if you decide to stay, maybe you havent suffered enough and you are willing to suffer some more.

Tough love Malone, that is the only way you are going to help her.

Good Luck!

Reply to J.
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/15

Yes indeed, he sounds like the perfect guy NOT to have any sort of relationship with. But many people let themselves have a relationship NOT with the awful guy he actually is, but with the terrific guy they delude themselves into thinking he will become. And of coruse he wont.
Encourage her to see a professional psychologist or counsellor to work on enhancing her self-respect, and be an encouraging friend and don;t try to be a therapist. Or otherwise just tell her, you care about her and would like to see her respect herself enough to move on, leave the loser and find someone she actually deserves ; but that its too painful to meep on meeting with her while she ignores all kind advice and insists on carrying on with someone who will repeatedly hurt her. Say you can't face continuing to be involved with her while she maintains this relationship, but weill be pleased to hear from her again when she has genuinely moved on

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Malone | 2012/09/14

Yes, i was thinking to chat but the moment she mentions him to change the subject or say i gotta go? We dont see each other anymore because i am not welcome at her home because he cant stand me " big surprise"  - wonder why?

Whenever she wants to come over i say im not at home or make an excuse - she like on weekends to say " please let me know if you would like some company"  but im tired of her coming to me only. And then listening how shit he is and two days later she takes him back and said this or that.

Reply to Malone
Posted by: SK | 2012/09/14

Some people might get something out of being needed no matter how dreadful it seems to you. Maybe she thinks that this guy loves her and cannot live without her or she is not ready to let him go.

Just stop supporting her because it will also suck you dry emotionally to have to deal with this drama. Maybe do not cut the whole relationship but limit it, meaning she must know that you will ultimately be there for her when she breaks up with the guy but cannot listen to all the drama that is happening between the two of them.

Reply to SK

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