Posted by: Bob' s GirlFriend | 2009-06-25

Friend breaking up

Bob and I broke up and I then met a man who I was just not that into :-) and a week later Bob and I was back together. I kept contact with lets call him P.

One day I deceided P would be a good match for my best girlfriend and introduced them. They have been together a year now. Bob and me and them braai and go away often.

She had however now deceided to break up with him as he' s a spunger. She now only tells me she paid for all the weekends away, the dinners, his clothes and and and.

He now is " on hold"  she' s asked him for space but is planning to send him an email before she leaves work tomorrow.

He has phoned me and said that he will kill himself if she leaves him, it' s been the best year of his life. And that i owe him as I introduced them to " make this right" . I would have left him a long time ago if i was her.

Her friendship means the world to me and I will not tell him what I know. But how do we handle the suicide part? He mentioned a girl he once dated that he nearly lost it when she left him as he loved her so. Today he hold me he loves this woman more than he ever loved her.

She did break up with him last sunday on sms and then he drove to her house and cried and pleaded that she give them another chance. She said she felt so sorry for him.

What if he DOES commit suicide? He is on ad' s. He has no contact with his 2 kids as they want nothing to do with him.

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Our expert says:
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Took her rather a long time to recognize that he was a sponger, didn't it ? Forr him to now blackmail her by threatening a suicide atempt if she leaves him ( and presumably, stops paying for all his fun ) is ungrateful and guresomely unfair. If he does commit suicide, that is his own decision, not hers or yours. If he is on antidepressants, presumably he is seeing someone who is responsible for his care, and who should have been dealing with his manipulativeness as well as his depression. His kids probably don't want to see him because he has probably done something very like this to them as well --- and he's still around to exploit others.
What would happen if you called him and explained that while nobody wants him to come to any harm, and you urge him to see his shrink or doc and work through this crisis, it is also not acceptable for him to blackmail other people into accepting himby threatening them in this way, and that this tactic will drive people awar from him, rather than drawing them towards him.
One has to make choices in situations like this. Either you give in to blackmail, and like all blackmailers he will repeat the threat every time he doesn't get his way, so you and she become enslaved to meeting his demands, which may escalate over time --- and you accept his invitation to blame yourself for his choices in life and for his actions ;
or, like governments who stick to a policy that however tempting, they will never negotiate with terrorists ( and this is inded a form of emotional terrorism ) and refuse the invitation, refuse to feel guilty about his choices of action, and protect yourselves, while suggesting that he go and seek the help he needs.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Yho | 2009-06-25

I also had the same problem, when i dumped my boyfriend he had panic attacks and you ask yourself how come a person does you wrong and expect you to stick around?

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Posted by: Sindy | 2009-06-25

I was once in the same situation when I broke up with my boyfriend he treatened me with suicide. The day I dumped him I went to his place and told him that its over, and then he took an eletric cord and hung it up somewhere, I just left him cause I knew he was pulling a stunt. 5 days later I bumped into him - he is still alive till this day.

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