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Question
Posted by: Sister | 2010/08/01

Found whereabout of long lost bro, but wife not helping

I have previously written to you regarding a long lost brother that my sister and I had only recently learned about. My sister is 52 and I am 48. We know now where to find this brother and have contacted his wife to break the news to him gently.

It''s been about 11 days and the wife has not yet gotten back to us. My sister phoned her four days after first speaking to her, and his wife said that she needed proof, as it is a sore subject for her husband as he was told that his father died many years ago. (My father only died in 1992.) We sent her IDs with pics, the death certificate as well as a marriage certificate. Again a week has passed, and still we hear nothing from her. My sister says that it appears that her email was not picked up (she gets reports).

My question is: what do we do now? Do we just wait this out until she gets back to us? She mentioned that she was going to see the mother in the old age home. The mother is almost 90 years old. It appears that the mother may have lied to her son about his father being married at the time too. That is why it was easier to say that his father had died long ago.

I also feel that if the wife keeps this from our brother any longer, our brother may not get the opportunity to speak to his mother should he have questions  which I am sure he will. At her age, anything can happen to her now.

Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I understand from a later posting of yours, that you have now contacted your bother and that things seem to be going well. It sounds as though the wife has been a bit over-protective, though the mother, perhaps with good intentions, appears to have lied to the boy. To find previously unknown sisters is GOOD NEWS, though, and should be treated as such. Its discovering that he was lied to that might be the upsetting part.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2010/08/02

Why not let the wife know that you have given her every chance to be a go-between but that you are now going to contact your brother yourselves.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/02

I understand from a later posting of yours, that you have now contacted your bother and that things seem to be going well. It sounds as though the wife has been a bit over-protective, though the mother, perhaps with good intentions, appears to have lied to the boy. To find previously unknown sisters is GOOD NEWS, though, and should be treated as such. Its discovering that he was lied to that might be the upsetting part.

Reply to cybershrink

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