Our expert says:
Gosh, there seems to be a flood of unhappy gfs this-afternoon ! Its reasonable for him to speak to the ex when there are urgent or important things to deal with concerning the kids. But obviously this NEVER occurs several times a day every day, and she may indeed be using this as an excuse to be over-involved with him.
It sounds as though he has many urgent issues ( such as job and health ) that need to take priority.
But when you choose to form a relaionship with a man or woman who is a parent, the kids are and should be, ALWAYS part of the deal. Its unreasonable to expect them to be excluded - they're part of the package when you sign on. The ex need not be part of that same package.
3 months into a relaionship sounds a bit early for him to expect you to make a 100% committment.
But any long-term relationship with him WILL have to include the kids, and if this is not acceptable to you, then you should gracefully end the relationship, you can't expect him to dump or ignore his own children. You can't marry him without becoming a stepmother.
Maybe some couples counselling would help you both to clarify the issues and maybe unrealistic expectations on both sides, and to make a more realistic decision about the future of this relationship
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