Posted by: Noddy | 2013-02-05

Forgive and forget?


My husband of 13years has had an affair. I found out in Dec 2012 - after it had gone on for 3years. Its a woman at his office - he had apparently been transfered to another branch due to the inappropriate behaviour.

He says he ended it with her when I found out. That it is over and done with and that he is willing to do anything to make things right with me - I have asked for a divorce which he refused.

This past month has been a trying one. Filled with sleepless nights, crying all the time, emotional lows. he has tried, i admit, to make me happy but I cant forget. The affair is all over the internet, shes kept her twiter account and facebook account very up to date.

He has begged me to forget it and find a way to move on but the pain is too deep. I have tried many times but every so often I find myself wondering if he is still seeing her. I wonder if his lying and keeping things from me.

I dont think I can ever trust him again - or it will take a very very long time to do so. How do i just forgive and forget? Its not the first time he has been with sum1 else. I worry it wont be the last time either.

He swears that he deeply regrets it and that seeing me in so much pain has hurt him too.

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Our expert says:
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So, if he was transferred for inappropriate behaviour, the office staff and bosses were aware of the affair. He is not entitled to "refuse" a divorce - he could dispute and fight it in court if he wished, but the divorce isn't his to give or withhold.
If he has said he will do anything ( other than divorce ) to make it up to you, get him to join you sincerely in marriage counselling.
And see a counsellor personally, for your own needs. This is still very fresh and recent, so its not yet that you'll manage to forget.
Work through this in counselling - there are no simple answers or solutions, but it IS possible to work throuigh this and heal yourself.
And try hard not to over-generalise. THIS man in THIS situation cheated and lied - this does not mean that EVERY man ALWAYS cheats and lies. And of course it was equally the faul of the other woman involved, who seems to be enjoying stirring things up. Again, this is horrible behaviour on her part, but not something ALL women do.

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Our users say:
Posted by: poposh | 2013-02-05

good day

being honest i feel wat u a going through and understand,men are weak especially in their pants wat i can say plz plz try to pray for ur husband remember the day u swore before reverend and other people that u will be with ur husband through thick n thin,sickness,health plz dont make ur enemies happy.pray hard to GOD to FORGIVE N FORGET other wise if u dont forgive that conflict will ruin ur life n ur marrige.GOD said forgive n forget so that u can be forgiven all the best

Reply to poposh
Posted by: R | 2013-02-05

I am in the same boat and although it is 5 years in the past and I did recieve treatment and therapy I still cannot forgive or get the image out of my mind of them having sex and what makes it worse is that I still remember every word I have read.

I personally do not think I can ever trust again!!!!!

Reply to R
Posted by: Shireen Govender | 2013-02-05

I have also the same problem. how do you deal with forgetting and carrying on......what about the times you wonder and wonder if your husband still in contact or still seeing the person. how do you deal and handle all this issues.

Reply to Shireen Govender

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