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Question
Posted by: Megan-Lee | 2011/01/20

Forgive and forget???

Why is it so difficult for some people to forgive and forget. My boyfriend and I broke up in December last year. I have tried to make peace with him and he refuses! To this day I do not know what I did that was so bad, but I have accepted the fact that we are not going to get back together again. I just want to speak to him and clear the air, there is no reason why there should be bad vibes between us. Forgive and forget and get on with our respective lives as it were. He is not good for me, he is a ''bully''. He liked to swear at me and ignore me for days on end because he was feeling ''moody'' and did not feel like speaking to me. I know I am well rid of him. He is 49 years old, but behaves himself like a teenager! Maybe I should just leave him alone and hope that he gets over whatever is eating at him. I must also add that he drinks excessively and goes into a foul mood when he has had too much to drink. I guess if he does not want to forgive me for whatever he feels I did, then I should leave him alone to live his lonely, miserable little life he chooses to live. He will spend hours surfing the internet and on skype. I think he prefers his own miserable company ... !! He does not have a sense of humour and would not find anything even remotely funny no matter how hilarious the situation actually is. I can understand why he has been alone for the past ten years ... no woman in her right mind could possibly want to be with someone like him! No great loss to me though, just don''t like being on bad terms with anyone! Life is too short for drama and fighting ...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, so you say you are moving on, and he is still nursing his wounds and sulking. That happens. he was moody before, he's moody now. But if you have actually "broken up" why aren't you leaving him alone ? Why should you speak to each other ?
When you speak of his "lonely miserable little life" and his "own miserable company" you actually still sound bitter about it all. Sounds almost as though you are still trying to convince yourself that the break up was a good idea.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: quote | 2011/01/20

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.
Lewis B. Smedes

Here is the rule to remember in the future, When anything tempts you to be bitter: not, " This is a misfortune"  but " To bear this worthily is good fortune." 
Marcus Aurelius

Reply to quote
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/20

Not worth the effort. Move on... you did nothing wrong

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Megan-Lee | 2011/01/20

comments noted .. thanks!!!

Reply to Megan-Lee
Posted by: Trace | 2011/01/20

Why are you then bothering " to make peace"  with him, if he is such a horrible character as I''m reading here then why bother. Move on, life is too short to waste...

Reply to Trace
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/20

OK, so you say you are moving on, and he is still nursing his wounds and sulking. That happens. he was moody before, he's moody now. But if you have actually "broken up" why aren't you leaving him alone ? Why should you speak to each other ?
When you speak of his "lonely miserable little life" and his "own miserable company" you actually still sound bitter about it all. Sounds almost as though you are still trying to convince yourself that the break up was a good idea.

Reply to cybershrink

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