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Posted by: Wondering | 2011-02-22

Forgive

Hi
I have a question. Please, Doc and people that have had the same experience, I would love it if I can have true constructive replies.

Last year this time I found out that my wonderfull husband have been cheatng on me. Not one affair but a couple of " one timers" . I honestly never even suspected this and had a hard time believing this. Even when he told me himself....

I don''t want to elaborate on the hell I/we went through as a result. To make a long story short, we had councelling, went through all the stages of sadness and anger and everything else.

Things came right, because we both wanted it to be right, lots of tears and promises and pain. It has been exactly a year now and although I will never trust him again I try my very best as he is trying his very best as well tobe as transparant about everything.

My question is: Can a cheating husband be cured?" 
Honest question....honest answers please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

More than one affair ? Marriage counselling would have been a goo idea, if as you say you both wanted things to get right again. Apparently you trust that he is trying his best, but you're very understandably not yet able to trust him to never do such a thing again. That's fair and qyite usual - once broken, trust has to be earned back, and this isn't always possible.
It actually doesn'ty matter at all to you whether "a" cheating husband can be cured - only whether THIS one can. And only time will tell

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7
Our users say:
Posted by: Wondering | 2011-02-23

You know, people are so quick to say " leave him"  ... have you ever considered the implications of divorce?

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: CM | 2011-02-23

I think anybody can make mistakes –  sometimes people are callous and don’ t really realize what they have in their partners. If it was one nighters it was just sex.
I always say you can F& mdash - anybody but you cannot make love to anybody but someone you love.
He loves you. No excuse for cheating –  but he loves you.

Reply to CM
Posted by: Phil | 2011-02-23

Personally, I don''t think that a man that loves his wife madly, respect her would cheat?
But that isn''t your biggest problem. Your biggest problem is that you will never really trust him again  you will always when you make love think about it. And unfortunately, this will slowly eat at you like cancer.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Real Man | 2011-02-22

ln my opinion NO,he did it and got away with it. Why change?

Reply to Real Man
Posted by: Woman | 2011-02-22

Yes it is possible. Cheating, I think should fall under addiction. And there are many addicts who can live without their drug (alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, cheating).

Only you will know how strong his will power is.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Casey | 2011-02-22

Only if he is sincere and he promise himself to stop cheating.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-02-22

More than one affair ? Marriage counselling would have been a goo idea, if as you say you both wanted things to get right again. Apparently you trust that he is trying his best, but you're very understandably not yet able to trust him to never do such a thing again. That's fair and qyite usual - once broken, trust has to be earned back, and this isn't always possible.
It actually doesn'ty matter at all to you whether "a" cheating husband can be cured - only whether THIS one can. And only time will tell

Reply to cybershrink

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