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Question
Posted by: Charl | 2008/09/15

For the ladies

I would like to ask this one for the ladies after I' ve read the posts from last week on the amount of sex in marriage. Why is it that ladies will agree to sex before marriage and once married there sex drive totally disappear. When me and my wife where engaged we had at least 3 times a week sex an now after a few years of marriage we only have sex like in once a month maybe. Surely the roll of a woman changed after marriage like kids and homework but still I' ll do mostly the cooking and help a lot with the kids, buy her fresh flowers once a week and spoil her rotten. I love my wife very much but if this is the way the marriage gonna be in the bedroom for the rest of out lives I' m surely gonna cheat on her and go seek it some place else.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'. In addition to these changes (which are nobody's fault), there may be other changes (in you or her, your lives) that mean that her libido has taken even a bigger knock. It is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the relationship - this includes asking her for feedback about how she feels/anything she'd like to improve, and likewise, you give her feedback and discuss what you would like to improve. Do this very gently!

When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It seems unreasonable that she should expect you to operate like her - perhaps try to explain to her in non-sexual terms (e.g. If I say to you when you are thirsty/hungry that I can do without a cup of tea/chocolate cake/whatever therefore so should you, how would you feel? Sexual hunger is similar). This is not to say that you should always get your way either, but I imagine it would do the relationship some good if there were some element of flexibility.

There is no documented evidence ever of a man dying due to sexual frustration, so there is no compulsion to have an affair - that should never be an excuse. Try to addres the problem first, and if you have no joy, then deal with that before trying to find sexual release elsewhere.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lust | 2008/09/16

Men cannot switch off the lust, like woman do, they switch off like a lightswitch, I do not know why, and please do not tell me, that we are supposed to control these desires. I am over 50 and have the same problems as the younger men. For 22 years, it was cum and go, because the children could open the door, Mommy is a nerve wreck, because she was afraid that the children can caught as in the act. Next year they are on their one and we are home alone, I can' t wait, boy o boy, that will be fun again.

Reply to Lust
Posted by: /// | 2008/09/16

Okay charl, why do middel age men lose there sexualtiy,? My partner is 39 but are battling to keep up, I am 31 and tried everything , we are open in that department and i even dress up an no luck, and No he does not have a afair, we stay together,I am always in the mood and crave sex constantly but I am lucky if it is once a week, so it is not always the women in this case it is the man.

Reply to ///
Posted by: J | 2008/09/16

GOOD FOR YOU T WHEN EVER I READ ABOUT PEOPLE WANTING TO HAVE AFFAIRS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GETTING ENOUGH FROM MOMMY IT ONLY MEANS THAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A REASON TO JUSTIFY THERE ACTIONS OF HAVING A OUT OF MARRIAGE AFFAIR ....TRUE LOVE MEANS YOU WILL BE THERE FOR HER OR HIM NO MATER WHAT ...OH SORRY THERES NO SUCH THING AS TRUE LOVE IN TODAYS SOCIETY ...ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS READ THIS SITE ON A DAILY BASIS ...ALL THE COMPLAINS INSTEAD OF TRYING TO WORK IT OUT ..WHAT A SHAME ....

Reply to J
Posted by: T | 2008/09/15

Why is it that women always get threatened with affairs!?!
Geez....................................................................
We have to pick up your dirty washing, clean your dirty toilet seats,wash the pee off the floor (when you are to pissed to pee straight), listen to you fart, burp, watch you pick your nose, carry your beer after you while you watch rugby, make your coffee, put up with your mommies wise comments.......
and you want to know WHY!?!
Ever heard of communication..........................?

Reply to T
Posted by: jj | 2008/09/15

it is better to date until death, because once married i will experience the sh*t with women

Reply to jj

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